The Monsters Come Out At Night

The Monsters Come Out At Night

By Ariel Perez

            Every night he came home with an unchangeable anger in his heart and alcohol on his breathe. And every night I held my breath, pulled my cover up close and shut my eyes as tight as I possibly could. I hoped, and I prayed that tonight he wasn’t looking for someone to push around and blame for his troubles. He usually was.

            Jimmy wasn’t always like this, cruel, vindictive, and hurtful. He use to love me the way I still love him. Jimmy was the type of man who would bring me flowers for no reason, or would take me out to eat at a fancy restaurant on a whim. He was different now, something in him broke, and he changed into a monster. He changed into someone who blamed the world and the ones around him for his troubles. He was angry all of the time now, and no matter what I did to try to help, to try to make him happy, I was the target of his rage.

At first it wasn’t too bad. He would get mad at me for not cleaning the house to his expectations, or because the dinner I cooked for him wasn’t just right. He would always come out with, “it’s like you’re trying to piss me off Kate”. This was always followed by a shove or a slap. I didn’t think he really meant to hurt me at the time. I just thought he lost his temper sometimes.

I was wrong.

One night he came home around 3am, drunk and full of anger. He went into our kitchen looking for a hot dinner, but it had already gone past cold. I woke up to him dragging me out of our bed by my legs and down the stairs. I started screaming half way down, but he kicked me in my ribs and kept me quiet. He dragged me into the kitchen and told me to cook him dinner. I was scared of him, and I didn’t want to make him any madder so I started up the stove top. He got impatient and said that I was moving too slow, so he grabbed my hand and held it down on the red hot burner. I screamed, I cried, I begged and i cowered but he didn’t care. He went to bed and left me in agony on the floor with the stench of my burning skin in the air.

I should have left then, but my love for who he use to be, it was still there.

Hoping. Waiting.

I could hear him trudging up the stairs now, tonight felt like one of those nights. The kind of night where everything was my fault, and he had to let me know it.

He turned on the lights.

“Kate..Kate..” He shook me, trying to wake me up.

I looked up at him.

“Jimmy please, I’m tired, I want to sleep. Just come to bed and sleep with me”

-BAM- I could feel my cheek turning red from where he had just slapped me.

“DON’T, you ever tell me what to do, you bitch”

All I could do was stare up at him like the scared little mouse I was.

No. I can’t do this; I can’t stay here and let him pull me down into the black abyss where his rotting mind was already living. I have to leave now, it’s now or never. He was already creating a path of destruction and I was at the end of it. I was always the goal in his fits of rage, always the never ending target.

I made a run for our door but he grabbed me by my hair and yanked me down to the floor with him. I tried to fight back as best I could but he was thick, he was stronger then i was and he knew it.

He put me in a headlock and whispered, “Where do you think you’re going Kate? You’re mine, and ill never let you go”.

“Jimmy please!” it was all I managed to choke out before the started to tighten his brawny arm around my thin neck. I could feel my heart racing and my lungs aching to a breath of air. I started to scratch hard at his arm and he let go.

“You bitch! I give you everything and this is how you thank me?!”

I was gasping for air when he shot up and stood over me. He started to stomp and kick me as hard as he possibly could. I could feel my body bruising and my bones breaking under him.

“Help!! HELP! HE-“

He shoved his oversized boot on my neck, I couldn’t scream out a word and I couldn’t breathe. I stared up at him with my begging eyes, but he just stared back.

“Weak. Pathetic..” he said.

He got down on the floor, only to throw his big hands around my bruised neck. He sat down on my broken body and held his grip. Tighter, and tighter.

My tears felt warm on my face, and my body started to twitch.

“How could I ever be with someone like you Kate?”

“Ji-Jimmy, y-you’re breaking my h-heart..”

Then, everything went black.

©HeyJude

And So I Wait

And So I Wait

By Ariel Perez

I could look into her eyes for days, forever, and I know that every time she would break my restless, bleeding and ever trying heart. She would never know the truth that resides in my soul. She would never know my truth, the way I adored and craved every word that spilled from her thin pale lips. I would make her my world if she would just have me a part of hers, but to her we were bound by the fence of our friendship. I know that in my world, that god forsaken fence has been torn apart and done with, but in hers it existed for protection, as if she were waiting for a war to break out. She would be forever prepared. I was her lonely neighbor who peeked over that cold barrier every now and then to say “Hello, the world is not so bad, come out in the sun, give it a try”. Staring at her across our coffee table was always a bitter sweet challenge. She told me everything that ever came to her mind, she told me who she could not and would not trust but that I was one of the few. I’ve known this, I’ve always known this. With me she dose not struggle to rephrase what is spilling from her flooded mind, she’s not afraid to let me hear what’s going on inside her gated world, a world I envied to be a part of. We could talk for hours on end, when everyone else had gone to sleep in the world we were still up with cups in our hands and telling endless stories. She was an amazing creature. And though I loved her, loved our friendship it was a curse as well. Life was dangling water over the head of a dehydrated and delusional man. She was what I could never have, I was her safety zone, the one she confided things in and it killed a part of me. It tore at me and it raged inside my heart but this was what she needed, a good friend. I would always be there for her, until the end of time itself; I would be what she needs. She was a challenge that no man could win, when she spoke you could hear in her words that part of her was missing, broken, and she could not fix it. She wouldn’t let anyone near enough to even try. I wanted desperately to fix her world, but she would not let me near the broken part of her, I could tell the way her eyes went empty sometimes that it was too painful a subject. She was screaming silently in her mind but wanted no one to hear. This made my heart sink into the pits of my stomach, when I could not pull her away from drowning in the deep sea that was her mind. All I could do was change the subject, make her laugh and hope that it somehow brightened up her day, just for a few moments. I hoped that one day she would give me a chance to save her, to change her world for the better. Until then I would be here listening to her every word, it was always more sweet then bitter. My heart was scared and sore but it could take the lashings, and so I wait for a chance, a hope that some where in her world for one that there would be room for another.

©HeyJude

Rot

is it wrong
that i hope darkness swallows you?
wrong that when your gone
i feel strong.
you could disappear and the world would just move on
nothing would freeze
no one would be crying
or praying on their knees
we'd all takes a breathe
and feel the relief
of years of restlessness.
So go on, rot.
go on and get caught.
I could care less.

©HeyJude

Destination

Destination

i pace
back and forth.
i can walk for miles here
in the weather
its freezing,i can see my breath every few seconds
my cheeks are the coldest, redrying every few minutes
memorys in mind and conversations repeating
reliving places we went,
going over life,
this is the longest walk ive had
but ill walk till my feet bleed
ill walk till im out of breath
i love the cold.
i love the chill and numb feeling of it
so much, i could lay in the snow and not wake
i wouldent mind, its beautiful here
i can see it now
almost there
this is it.
this is the edge of the world.
This is the end.



©HeyJude

Soundless Words

Soundless Words, By Ariel Perez

whispered feelings 
and mummered words 
they fall from my lips sometimes seeming absurd 
is it bad i want to scream? 
is it a lack of selfesteem? Or is it something hiding in me? 
something dark that i cannot see? Tell me 
why my words are glass,floating in the air like butterflies 
waiting to crash,you cant catch you cant snatch,Crash. 
shattered shards lay on the floor im cornered i cant reach my door 
so can you sweep up the peices and keep up what this is? 
glue them together and tell me its better? 
dont worry 
dont fear 
calm down 
im here 
can i scream my feelings 
and yell my words? 
can i say what i want, without being absurd? 
this is absurd, 
here i am 
writing my quiet words 
click clicking of my words 
barely a sound they'll never be heard 

©HeyJude

**old, but thought I would post someting

Hospis

Hospis

hes dying
no turning back
hes on a one way road
theres no where to go
just forward
im like a camera
i watch, i hear
no movement
im full of fear
cause, theres nothing to be done
hes done
i see his ghost in his eyes
he knows, and he cries
years of age, wrinkled under his eyes,
the smell of war tainted his skin,
he always knew what would happen to him
hes still a kid at heart
no lies, this is a new start
but whats my part?
hang back, take a seat
watch this man, slowly be beat
death is on his lips
he can taste it
we smell it
theres no arguing it
you cant throw a fit
theres no one to hit
i cant believe that
this is it
hes forced to quit
here i stand
while hes thrown in the pit

- For Rogelio 'Rocha' Perez

©HeyJude

Will You Be Mine?

Will You Be Mine?
I’ve been seeing her for weeks now, every morning she rushed through the cold to get her medium coffee, and every night she fell asleep to her music, fearing the silence of the night without it. I first saw her at a music shop, I was getting my violin restrung and so was she, it was fate. It was the smell of her coffee that caught my attention, caramel swirled in the air around me. I turned to find her,a water fall of orange flowed down to her alabaster skin, she had big green eyes that reminded me of ponds and a distinct birth mark on her chin that id grow to love..
After watching her and getting to know her for the past four months, I decided that I needed to talk to her. Just being around her in the shadows of the day wasn’t enough anymore, I needed her with me always I burned for it, for her. I wanted to taste her sweet lips on mine, I wanted her to hold onto me and never let go. I wanted to wake up to her entrancing scent every morning instead of catching its stale and long gone presence.
I needed her.
I prepared a room just for her, if we were going to be a couple she would need he own space sometimes. I worked on the room relentlessly, it needed to be spectacular, it needed to wow her. I bought her favorite 700 thread count silk sheets for her bed, five pillows two with frilled edges for decoration, which she never slept on because they bothered her when she slept, and one knitted blanket for cold nights. It was exactly like the bed she had at her apartment, a deep green that matched her wondrous eyes and a dim gold trim, I know she will love it.
She was my life now, my Amanda; I had everything I knew she would love from her favorite shampoo down to her scented candles that she lit every night before bed. I had spent countless hours getting to know her, changing my world for her and now, well now we were in love.
Today was the day, I was ready and all set up. I had her favorite color on, a deep green sweater and I even had on a cologne I knew she liked on, I was ready. Amanda would see me today, she would see me the way I see her, it will be perfect.
I followed her into her regular coffee shop; I ordered the same thing she got every morning to spark a conversation.
“ So..uh, you like the caramel latte too huh?” She looked at me a bit startled but gave a slight smile.
“yes..” she coughed up, “but I like mine with soy milk you know? It tastes a bit sweeter to me that way”
I panicked for a moment, soy! I forgot to add soy milk to my latte like she dose religiously every morning. How could I be so stupid, I can’t screw this up.
My latte was finished first, I planned it out so that I would be the one to walk away first.
“well”, I looked at her with my deep gray eyes and half smile “guess ill see you around uh.. I didn’t catch your name”
She smiled.
“Amanda, my name is Amanda”
“well I’ll see you around Amanda..uh, my names Allen by the way”
I turned and began to walk away, I took a sip of my steaming latte and then turned back around with my cell phone in hand.
“Hey Amanda, can I uh, can I maybe get your number?”
She looked me up and down playfully; kindly she took the phone from me and typed in her number. I knew it, she loved me.
I don’t know what happened; we were having such a great time. We were having dinner at this Italian place I knew that she loved, she had gone there many times for her ritualistic girls night out. Now here she laid, a gash on her head, bleeding, her limp pale body begged me to scoop her up and hold her.
I took her back to my apartment that would soon be ours, I laid her on the bed I had for her in the room I prepared specially for her. I’d wait for her to wake, I closed the door and locked it.
Hours later I heard her banging on the door, screaming to let her out, why was she so mad? Everything I did, I did for her. I turned my life upside down to satisfy her needs to give her what she wanted and this is what she dose?
From inside my room I could hear her faint “Let meeee out! Please! Don’t hurt me Allen please!”
Hurt her? I didn’t want to hurt her! I loved her, I wanted to be with her forever. Ill go talk to her at midnight, she had to understand, she would. And she’ll find me romantic for it, at midnight it will be the fourteenth, February fourteenth Valentine ’s Day, the day of love.
I waited till Amanda tired herself out, and then I slipped inside into the light, no more shadows. She was sitting in a corner sobbing, her hands covered her face.
“why are you crying?”
She looked up at me with her full green eyes, squinting from the tears but staring as if I were a monster. Her eyes could be so cruel, just like I could be so cruel..
I grabbed her by her wrists and lifted her up, she was so light. She tried to fight back but she wasn’t strong enough. I had control of her dainty little wrists now, she wouldn’t stop moving, she was making me hurt her.
“why are you doing this! What did I do!?”, her words started to slur with her crying. “please! I know your not a monster, please just let me go Allen!”
I pinned her to the ground, both wrists in one hand and my other brought a kitchen knife up to her tender neck that I dreamt of every night. She let out a quick gasp, the cold steel of the knife gave her small body goose bumps, I could feel them on her wrists.
She was so beautiful, even with her wet cheeks and messy orange hair, she was so perfect. I looked up at the clock that was set on the bed stand, digital so she could listen to her music on the radio, she loved music.
12:00am
It was time, this was it. I looked down at terrified yet angelic face
“Amanda..” , I took a breathe, “Will you be mine?”
I pressed the knife to her neck.

3/28/2011 - This story was picked for First Place in the Fiction section of a writing contest for "The Midtown Journal"

©HeyJude