is it wrong
that i hope darkness swallows you?
wrong that when your gone
i feel strong.
you could disappear and the world would just move on
nothing would freeze
no one would be crying
or praying on their knees
we'd all takes a breathe
and feel the relief
of years of restlessness.
So go on, rot.
go on and get caught.
I could care less.
©HeyJude
Friday, May 6, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Destination
Destination
i pace
back and forth.
i can walk for miles here
in the weather
its freezing,i can see my breath every few seconds
my cheeks are the coldest, redrying every few minutes
memorys in mind and conversations repeating
reliving places we went,
going over life,
this is the longest walk ive had
but ill walk till my feet bleed
ill walk till im out of breath
i love the cold.
i love the chill and numb feeling of it
so much, i could lay in the snow and not wake
i wouldent mind, its beautiful here
i can see it now
almost there
this is it.
this is the edge of the world.
This is the end.
©HeyJude
i pace
back and forth.
i can walk for miles here
in the weather
its freezing,i can see my breath every few seconds
my cheeks are the coldest, redrying every few minutes
memorys in mind and conversations repeating
reliving places we went,
going over life,
this is the longest walk ive had
but ill walk till my feet bleed
ill walk till im out of breath
i love the cold.
i love the chill and numb feeling of it
so much, i could lay in the snow and not wake
i wouldent mind, its beautiful here
i can see it now
almost there
this is it.
this is the edge of the world.
This is the end.
©HeyJude
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Soundless Words
Soundless Words, By Ariel Perez
whispered feelings
and mummered words
they fall from my lips sometimes seeming absurd
is it bad i want to scream?
is it a lack of selfesteem? Or is it something hiding in me?
something dark that i cannot see? Tell me
why my words are glass,floating in the air like butterflies
waiting to crash,you cant catch you cant snatch,Crash.
shattered shards lay on the floor im cornered i cant reach my door
so can you sweep up the peices and keep up what this is?
glue them together and tell me its better?
dont worry
dont fear
calm down
im here
can i scream my feelings
and yell my words?
can i say what i want, without being absurd?
this is absurd,
here i am
writing my quiet words
click clicking of my words
barely a sound they'll never be heard
and mummered words
they fall from my lips sometimes seeming absurd
is it bad i want to scream?
is it a lack of selfesteem? Or is it something hiding in me?
something dark that i cannot see? Tell me
why my words are glass,floating in the air like butterflies
waiting to crash,you cant catch you cant snatch,Crash.
shattered shards lay on the floor im cornered i cant reach my door
so can you sweep up the peices and keep up what this is?
glue them together and tell me its better?
dont worry
dont fear
calm down
im here
can i scream my feelings
and yell my words?
can i say what i want, without being absurd?
this is absurd,
here i am
writing my quiet words
click clicking of my words
barely a sound they'll never be heard
©HeyJude
**old, but thought I would post someting
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Hospis
Hospis
hes dying
no turning back
hes on a one way road
theres no where to go
just forward
im like a camera
i watch, i hear
no movement
im full of fear
cause, theres nothing to be done
hes done
i see his ghost in his eyes
he knows, and he cries
years of age, wrinkled under his eyes,
the smell of war tainted his skin,
he always knew what would happen to him
hes still a kid at heart
no lies, this is a new start
but whats my part?
hang back, take a seat
watch this man, slowly be beat
death is on his lips
he can taste it
we smell it
theres no arguing it
you cant throw a fit
theres no one to hit
i cant believe that
this is it
hes forced to quit
here i stand
while hes thrown in the pit
- For Rogelio 'Rocha' Perez
©HeyJude
hes dying
no turning back
hes on a one way road
theres no where to go
just forward
im like a camera
i watch, i hear
no movement
im full of fear
cause, theres nothing to be done
hes done
i see his ghost in his eyes
he knows, and he cries
years of age, wrinkled under his eyes,
the smell of war tainted his skin,
he always knew what would happen to him
hes still a kid at heart
no lies, this is a new start
but whats my part?
hang back, take a seat
watch this man, slowly be beat
death is on his lips
he can taste it
we smell it
theres no arguing it
you cant throw a fit
theres no one to hit
i cant believe that
this is it
hes forced to quit
here i stand
while hes thrown in the pit
- For Rogelio 'Rocha' Perez
©HeyJude
Friday, February 4, 2011
Will You Be Mine?
Will You Be Mine?
I’ve been seeing her for weeks now, every morning she rushed through the cold to get her medium coffee, and every night she fell asleep to her music, fearing the silence of the night without it. I first saw her at a music shop, I was getting my violin restrung and so was she, it was fate. It was the smell of her coffee that caught my attention, caramel swirled in the air around me. I turned to find her,a water fall of orange flowed down to her alabaster skin, she had big green eyes that reminded me of ponds and a distinct birth mark on her chin that id grow to love..
After watching her and getting to know her for the past four months, I decided that I needed to talk to her. Just being around her in the shadows of the day wasn’t enough anymore, I needed her with me always I burned for it, for her. I wanted to taste her sweet lips on mine, I wanted her to hold onto me and never let go. I wanted to wake up to her entrancing scent every morning instead of catching its stale and long gone presence.
I needed her.
I prepared a room just for her, if we were going to be a couple she would need he own space sometimes. I worked on the room relentlessly, it needed to be spectacular, it needed to wow her. I bought her favorite 700 thread count silk sheets for her bed, five pillows two with frilled edges for decoration, which she never slept on because they bothered her when she slept, and one knitted blanket for cold nights. It was exactly like the bed she had at her apartment, a deep green that matched her wondrous eyes and a dim gold trim, I know she will love it.
She was my life now, my Amanda; I had everything I knew she would love from her favorite shampoo down to her scented candles that she lit every night before bed. I had spent countless hours getting to know her, changing my world for her and now, well now we were in love.
Today was the day, I was ready and all set up. I had her favorite color on, a deep green sweater and I even had on a cologne I knew she liked on, I was ready. Amanda would see me today, she would see me the way I see her, it will be perfect.
I followed her into her regular coffee shop; I ordered the same thing she got every morning to spark a conversation.
“ So..uh, you like the caramel latte too huh?” She looked at me a bit startled but gave a slight smile.
“yes..” she coughed up, “but I like mine with soy milk you know? It tastes a bit sweeter to me that way”
I panicked for a moment, soy! I forgot to add soy milk to my latte like she dose religiously every morning. How could I be so stupid, I can’t screw this up.
My latte was finished first, I planned it out so that I would be the one to walk away first.
“well”, I looked at her with my deep gray eyes and half smile “guess ill see you around uh.. I didn’t catch your name”
She smiled.
“Amanda, my name is Amanda”
“well I’ll see you around Amanda..uh, my names Allen by the way”
I turned and began to walk away, I took a sip of my steaming latte and then turned back around with my cell phone in hand.
“Hey Amanda, can I uh, can I maybe get your number?”
She looked me up and down playfully; kindly she took the phone from me and typed in her number. I knew it, she loved me.
I don’t know what happened; we were having such a great time. We were having dinner at this Italian place I knew that she loved, she had gone there many times for her ritualistic girls night out. Now here she laid, a gash on her head, bleeding, her limp pale body begged me to scoop her up and hold her.
I took her back to my apartment that would soon be ours, I laid her on the bed I had for her in the room I prepared specially for her. I’d wait for her to wake, I closed the door and locked it.
Hours later I heard her banging on the door, screaming to let her out, why was she so mad? Everything I did, I did for her. I turned my life upside down to satisfy her needs to give her what she wanted and this is what she dose?
From inside my room I could hear her faint “Let meeee out! Please! Don’t hurt me Allen please!”
Hurt her? I didn’t want to hurt her! I loved her, I wanted to be with her forever. Ill go talk to her at midnight, she had to understand, she would. And she’ll find me romantic for it, at midnight it will be the fourteenth, February fourteenth Valentine ’s Day, the day of love.
I waited till Amanda tired herself out, and then I slipped inside into the light, no more shadows. She was sitting in a corner sobbing, her hands covered her face.
“why are you crying?”
She looked up at me with her full green eyes, squinting from the tears but staring as if I were a monster. Her eyes could be so cruel, just like I could be so cruel..
I grabbed her by her wrists and lifted her up, she was so light. She tried to fight back but she wasn’t strong enough. I had control of her dainty little wrists now, she wouldn’t stop moving, she was making me hurt her.
“why are you doing this! What did I do!?”, her words started to slur with her crying. “please! I know your not a monster, please just let me go Allen!”
I pinned her to the ground, both wrists in one hand and my other brought a kitchen knife up to her tender neck that I dreamt of every night. She let out a quick gasp, the cold steel of the knife gave her small body goose bumps, I could feel them on her wrists.
She was so beautiful, even with her wet cheeks and messy orange hair, she was so perfect. I looked up at the clock that was set on the bed stand, digital so she could listen to her music on the radio, she loved music.
12:00am
It was time, this was it. I looked down at terrified yet angelic face
“Amanda..” , I took a breathe, “Will you be mine?”
I pressed the knife to her neck.
3/28/2011 - This story was picked for First Place in the Fiction section of a writing contest for "The Midtown Journal"
©HeyJude
I’ve been seeing her for weeks now, every morning she rushed through the cold to get her medium coffee, and every night she fell asleep to her music, fearing the silence of the night without it. I first saw her at a music shop, I was getting my violin restrung and so was she, it was fate. It was the smell of her coffee that caught my attention, caramel swirled in the air around me. I turned to find her,a water fall of orange flowed down to her alabaster skin, she had big green eyes that reminded me of ponds and a distinct birth mark on her chin that id grow to love..
After watching her and getting to know her for the past four months, I decided that I needed to talk to her. Just being around her in the shadows of the day wasn’t enough anymore, I needed her with me always I burned for it, for her. I wanted to taste her sweet lips on mine, I wanted her to hold onto me and never let go. I wanted to wake up to her entrancing scent every morning instead of catching its stale and long gone presence.
I needed her.
I prepared a room just for her, if we were going to be a couple she would need he own space sometimes. I worked on the room relentlessly, it needed to be spectacular, it needed to wow her. I bought her favorite 700 thread count silk sheets for her bed, five pillows two with frilled edges for decoration, which she never slept on because they bothered her when she slept, and one knitted blanket for cold nights. It was exactly like the bed she had at her apartment, a deep green that matched her wondrous eyes and a dim gold trim, I know she will love it.
She was my life now, my Amanda; I had everything I knew she would love from her favorite shampoo down to her scented candles that she lit every night before bed. I had spent countless hours getting to know her, changing my world for her and now, well now we were in love.
Today was the day, I was ready and all set up. I had her favorite color on, a deep green sweater and I even had on a cologne I knew she liked on, I was ready. Amanda would see me today, she would see me the way I see her, it will be perfect.
I followed her into her regular coffee shop; I ordered the same thing she got every morning to spark a conversation.
“ So..uh, you like the caramel latte too huh?” She looked at me a bit startled but gave a slight smile.
“yes..” she coughed up, “but I like mine with soy milk you know? It tastes a bit sweeter to me that way”
I panicked for a moment, soy! I forgot to add soy milk to my latte like she dose religiously every morning. How could I be so stupid, I can’t screw this up.
My latte was finished first, I planned it out so that I would be the one to walk away first.
“well”, I looked at her with my deep gray eyes and half smile “guess ill see you around uh.. I didn’t catch your name”
She smiled.
“Amanda, my name is Amanda”
“well I’ll see you around Amanda..uh, my names Allen by the way”
I turned and began to walk away, I took a sip of my steaming latte and then turned back around with my cell phone in hand.
“Hey Amanda, can I uh, can I maybe get your number?”
She looked me up and down playfully; kindly she took the phone from me and typed in her number. I knew it, she loved me.
I don’t know what happened; we were having such a great time. We were having dinner at this Italian place I knew that she loved, she had gone there many times for her ritualistic girls night out. Now here she laid, a gash on her head, bleeding, her limp pale body begged me to scoop her up and hold her.
I took her back to my apartment that would soon be ours, I laid her on the bed I had for her in the room I prepared specially for her. I’d wait for her to wake, I closed the door and locked it.
Hours later I heard her banging on the door, screaming to let her out, why was she so mad? Everything I did, I did for her. I turned my life upside down to satisfy her needs to give her what she wanted and this is what she dose?
From inside my room I could hear her faint “Let meeee out! Please! Don’t hurt me Allen please!”
Hurt her? I didn’t want to hurt her! I loved her, I wanted to be with her forever. Ill go talk to her at midnight, she had to understand, she would. And she’ll find me romantic for it, at midnight it will be the fourteenth, February fourteenth Valentine ’s Day, the day of love.
I waited till Amanda tired herself out, and then I slipped inside into the light, no more shadows. She was sitting in a corner sobbing, her hands covered her face.
“why are you crying?”
She looked up at me with her full green eyes, squinting from the tears but staring as if I were a monster. Her eyes could be so cruel, just like I could be so cruel..
I grabbed her by her wrists and lifted her up, she was so light. She tried to fight back but she wasn’t strong enough. I had control of her dainty little wrists now, she wouldn’t stop moving, she was making me hurt her.
“why are you doing this! What did I do!?”, her words started to slur with her crying. “please! I know your not a monster, please just let me go Allen!”
I pinned her to the ground, both wrists in one hand and my other brought a kitchen knife up to her tender neck that I dreamt of every night. She let out a quick gasp, the cold steel of the knife gave her small body goose bumps, I could feel them on her wrists.
She was so beautiful, even with her wet cheeks and messy orange hair, she was so perfect. I looked up at the clock that was set on the bed stand, digital so she could listen to her music on the radio, she loved music.
12:00am
It was time, this was it. I looked down at terrified yet angelic face
“Amanda..” , I took a breathe, “Will you be mine?”
I pressed the knife to her neck.
3/28/2011 - This story was picked for First Place in the Fiction section of a writing contest for "The Midtown Journal"
©HeyJude
Saturday, January 8, 2011
The World Ends With You
The world ends with you.
“LeAnne, I can’t do this anymore. I love you more then anything but you’re too over baring! Your controlling, I can’t even go out with my friends with out you having a fit. I dropped my social life, my friends, the things I love doing for you, and its still not enough! I just think..”
I stopped listening after that. I froze up with the first few sentences, they lasted forever. I had a knot in my stomach, my heart dropped and I couldn’t breathe. He was my everything; I tried so hard to be everything he ever wanted and now this? My eyes were swelling with tears, I could taste the streams of bitterness running down my skin.
He wasn’t the only one who sacrificed, I gave up my life so we could have our life. He was a part of me no matter what.
“LeAnne? Please say something. Why do you do this, you ALWAYS do this! This is it LeAnne.. Im gone.”
Everything was moving slowly, time was almost at a stop. What happened in seconds felt like decades. All I could do it stare at him, watch him walk out our door, our home, and leave me alone in this prison. My head was pounding, my brain felt like it was somehow suffocating and I just couldn’t hold back my tears. Everything was blurry when I stood up from that irritatingly itchy jungle green couch he picked, I hated that couch more then anything, but he loved it. When I stood up he was still walking to the door.
“Jason..” Nothing.
“Jason!” I yelled but he wouldn’t turn back to me, he was trying to walk out of my life forever.
“JASON! You can’t leave!” as I yelled that I grabbed the lamp we picked out together, and I smacked him on the head with it. He fell down with the biggest thud, and he didn’t move. He started to bleed and moan, I grabbed a scarf and I wrapped it around his head to stop the bleeding. I can’t let him leave me.
I dragged him to our bedroom. I pushed him up and set him on a chair from our dinning room. He hated these chairs but I didn’t think he would mind too much. I tied his arms and legs to the chair, when he woke I would tell him how much I love him, why he needs to stay, ill make him see ill make him understand.
His head was still bleeding when he woke up, but only a little. I was cleaning the mess in the living room when I heard him, I stood in front of him.
“Le..LeAnne? I can’t..everything blurry. I can’t move my arms, LeAnne??”
He started to look around at himself, realizing the chair and why he couldn’t move. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, the same tears I had before.
“Jason. I had to do this don’t you see? You were going to leave me here alone, I couldn’t let you leave. I know you love me Jason! And you don’t leave people you love.”
I put my hand on his face and just stared into his deep blue eyes, they were the thing I loved most about him.
“LeAnne! Are you crazy! I’m bleeding! I need a fucking doctor!.. LeAnne please. Let me go, ill just go to the doctor and ill come back ok? I promise. Ok LeAnne?”
His eyes always looked adorable when he wanted something; he was like a puppy begging for a treat.
“I’m sorry Jason, but I can’t. You can’t be trusted, you already tried to leave me and I won’t let it happen. Don’t worry baby, ill take care of you, you don’t need a doctor, you’ll see soon all you need is me and my love. I love you Jason, why can’t that be enough? We could be so happy.”
He began to cry.
LeAnne!! Ill die without a doctor! I can’t stay here! Please! Please LeAnne!”
“Jason I can’t. Don’t you see?”
I put a piece of gray packing tape over his mouth, and I kissed it. It left the most perfect imprint of my red lipstick; he loved this color on me.
I Smiled.
“The world ends with you..”
©HeyJude
“LeAnne, I can’t do this anymore. I love you more then anything but you’re too over baring! Your controlling, I can’t even go out with my friends with out you having a fit. I dropped my social life, my friends, the things I love doing for you, and its still not enough! I just think..”
I stopped listening after that. I froze up with the first few sentences, they lasted forever. I had a knot in my stomach, my heart dropped and I couldn’t breathe. He was my everything; I tried so hard to be everything he ever wanted and now this? My eyes were swelling with tears, I could taste the streams of bitterness running down my skin.
He wasn’t the only one who sacrificed, I gave up my life so we could have our life. He was a part of me no matter what.
“LeAnne? Please say something. Why do you do this, you ALWAYS do this! This is it LeAnne.. Im gone.”
Everything was moving slowly, time was almost at a stop. What happened in seconds felt like decades. All I could do it stare at him, watch him walk out our door, our home, and leave me alone in this prison. My head was pounding, my brain felt like it was somehow suffocating and I just couldn’t hold back my tears. Everything was blurry when I stood up from that irritatingly itchy jungle green couch he picked, I hated that couch more then anything, but he loved it. When I stood up he was still walking to the door.
“Jason..” Nothing.
“Jason!” I yelled but he wouldn’t turn back to me, he was trying to walk out of my life forever.
“JASON! You can’t leave!” as I yelled that I grabbed the lamp we picked out together, and I smacked him on the head with it. He fell down with the biggest thud, and he didn’t move. He started to bleed and moan, I grabbed a scarf and I wrapped it around his head to stop the bleeding. I can’t let him leave me.
I dragged him to our bedroom. I pushed him up and set him on a chair from our dinning room. He hated these chairs but I didn’t think he would mind too much. I tied his arms and legs to the chair, when he woke I would tell him how much I love him, why he needs to stay, ill make him see ill make him understand.
His head was still bleeding when he woke up, but only a little. I was cleaning the mess in the living room when I heard him, I stood in front of him.
“Le..LeAnne? I can’t..everything blurry. I can’t move my arms, LeAnne??”
He started to look around at himself, realizing the chair and why he couldn’t move. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, the same tears I had before.
“Jason. I had to do this don’t you see? You were going to leave me here alone, I couldn’t let you leave. I know you love me Jason! And you don’t leave people you love.”
I put my hand on his face and just stared into his deep blue eyes, they were the thing I loved most about him.
“LeAnne! Are you crazy! I’m bleeding! I need a fucking doctor!.. LeAnne please. Let me go, ill just go to the doctor and ill come back ok? I promise. Ok LeAnne?”
His eyes always looked adorable when he wanted something; he was like a puppy begging for a treat.
“I’m sorry Jason, but I can’t. You can’t be trusted, you already tried to leave me and I won’t let it happen. Don’t worry baby, ill take care of you, you don’t need a doctor, you’ll see soon all you need is me and my love. I love you Jason, why can’t that be enough? We could be so happy.”
He began to cry.
LeAnne!! Ill die without a doctor! I can’t stay here! Please! Please LeAnne!”
“Jason I can’t. Don’t you see?”
I put a piece of gray packing tape over his mouth, and I kissed it. It left the most perfect imprint of my red lipstick; he loved this color on me.
I Smiled.
“The world ends with you..”
©HeyJude
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The Last Good-Bye
The Last Good-Bye
I got home and there she was..there she was.. Blood shot eyes, gazing at me, staring into me and piercing my very soul. I gasped for air and tried to take in what was happening, but my world had fallen apart in a half a second. I dropped the box of diapers on my foot, the pain was shooting up my leg but didn’t really phase me. I picked up an envelope, “Trevor” it had written on it in her dainty cursive.
I always envied her neat and delicate writing, her words traced the paper as though they had always been there, mine was coarse and unruly.
“Do you think I chose this life for us? I didn’t want to be this way, live this way with you. When I looked into your eyes, I saw hope, I saw a glimpse of what could be our future and I reached for it like a fool. Do you remember when we were kids? My 10th birthday party, I noticed you for the first time, you had me then. All day we were making eyes at each other, smiling, giggling. You finally came over and you held my hand, I knew then that you were mine. I wake up every morning wanting to go back to then, when it was all simple, but now I hurt every day Trevor. There’s something inside me I cant explain and its killing me Trev.. Nothing works anymore, the pills, the therapy, its garbage. Everyday I want to die. You kept me going for the longest time, I stayed and I endured for you. I just can’t do this anymore. “
My eyes flooded and the words began to mix together, good, I didn’t want to read it any longer. I longed for them to just disappear, for it all to just go away. Her swaying corpse stared at me, as if waiting for my reaction, wanting me to fight for her, for something that was already gone. That golden treasure inside her was gone as well, it wasn’t hers to take from me. Traci was never a selfless kind of person, it was always about her. Her her her, but I never thought she would kill a part of who I am.
I could feel my heart about to burst, my body falling apart and the world around me falling with it. I was frozen, I couldn’t move a muscle. My brain was set on pause, trying to comprehend why, but unable.
I sat there on my knees, staring at her damp and illegible letter, at her last selfish attempt that I could do nothing about. Her shadow passed over me, back and forth, my love hovered over me forever gone.
©HeyJude
I got home and there she was..there she was.. Blood shot eyes, gazing at me, staring into me and piercing my very soul. I gasped for air and tried to take in what was happening, but my world had fallen apart in a half a second. I dropped the box of diapers on my foot, the pain was shooting up my leg but didn’t really phase me. I picked up an envelope, “Trevor” it had written on it in her dainty cursive.
I always envied her neat and delicate writing, her words traced the paper as though they had always been there, mine was coarse and unruly.
“Do you think I chose this life for us? I didn’t want to be this way, live this way with you. When I looked into your eyes, I saw hope, I saw a glimpse of what could be our future and I reached for it like a fool. Do you remember when we were kids? My 10th birthday party, I noticed you for the first time, you had me then. All day we were making eyes at each other, smiling, giggling. You finally came over and you held my hand, I knew then that you were mine. I wake up every morning wanting to go back to then, when it was all simple, but now I hurt every day Trevor. There’s something inside me I cant explain and its killing me Trev.. Nothing works anymore, the pills, the therapy, its garbage. Everyday I want to die. You kept me going for the longest time, I stayed and I endured for you. I just can’t do this anymore. “
My eyes flooded and the words began to mix together, good, I didn’t want to read it any longer. I longed for them to just disappear, for it all to just go away. Her swaying corpse stared at me, as if waiting for my reaction, wanting me to fight for her, for something that was already gone. That golden treasure inside her was gone as well, it wasn’t hers to take from me. Traci was never a selfless kind of person, it was always about her. Her her her, but I never thought she would kill a part of who I am.
I could feel my heart about to burst, my body falling apart and the world around me falling with it. I was frozen, I couldn’t move a muscle. My brain was set on pause, trying to comprehend why, but unable.
I sat there on my knees, staring at her damp and illegible letter, at her last selfish attempt that I could do nothing about. Her shadow passed over me, back and forth, my love hovered over me forever gone.
©HeyJude
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)