The Last Good-Bye
I got home and there she was..there she was.. Blood shot eyes, gazing at me, staring into me and piercing my very soul. I gasped for air and tried to take in what was happening, but my world had fallen apart in a half a second. I dropped the box of diapers on my foot, the pain was shooting up my leg but didn’t really phase me. I picked up an envelope, “Trevor” it had written on it in her dainty cursive.
I always envied her neat and delicate writing, her words traced the paper as though they had always been there, mine was coarse and unruly.
“Do you think I chose this life for us? I didn’t want to be this way, live this way with you. When I looked into your eyes, I saw hope, I saw a glimpse of what could be our future and I reached for it like a fool. Do you remember when we were kids? My 10th birthday party, I noticed you for the first time, you had me then. All day we were making eyes at each other, smiling, giggling. You finally came over and you held my hand, I knew then that you were mine. I wake up every morning wanting to go back to then, when it was all simple, but now I hurt every day Trevor. There’s something inside me I cant explain and its killing me Trev.. Nothing works anymore, the pills, the therapy, its garbage. Everyday I want to die. You kept me going for the longest time, I stayed and I endured for you. I just can’t do this anymore. “
My eyes flooded and the words began to mix together, good, I didn’t want to read it any longer. I longed for them to just disappear, for it all to just go away. Her swaying corpse stared at me, as if waiting for my reaction, wanting me to fight for her, for something that was already gone. That golden treasure inside her was gone as well, it wasn’t hers to take from me. Traci was never a selfless kind of person, it was always about her. Her her her, but I never thought she would kill a part of who I am.
I could feel my heart about to burst, my body falling apart and the world around me falling with it. I was frozen, I couldn’t move a muscle. My brain was set on pause, trying to comprehend why, but unable.
I sat there on my knees, staring at her damp and illegible letter, at her last selfish attempt that I could do nothing about. Her shadow passed over me, back and forth, my love hovered over me forever gone.
©HeyJude
