The Last Good-Bye
I got home and there she was..there she was.. Blood shot eyes, gazing at me, staring into me and piercing my very soul. I gasped for air and tried to take in what was happening, but my world had fallen apart in a half a second. I dropped the box of diapers on my foot, the pain was shooting up my leg but didn’t really phase me. I picked up an envelope, “Trevor” it had written on it in her dainty cursive.
I always envied her neat and delicate writing, her words traced the paper as though they had always been there, mine was coarse and unruly.
“Do you think I chose this life for us? I didn’t want to be this way, live this way with you. When I looked into your eyes, I saw hope, I saw a glimpse of what could be our future and I reached for it like a fool. Do you remember when we were kids? My 10th birthday party, I noticed you for the first time, you had me then. All day we were making eyes at each other, smiling, giggling. You finally came over and you held my hand, I knew then that you were mine. I wake up every morning wanting to go back to then, when it was all simple, but now I hurt every day Trevor. There’s something inside me I cant explain and its killing me Trev.. Nothing works anymore, the pills, the therapy, its garbage. Everyday I want to die. You kept me going for the longest time, I stayed and I endured for you. I just can’t do this anymore. “
My eyes flooded and the words began to mix together, good, I didn’t want to read it any longer. I longed for them to just disappear, for it all to just go away. Her swaying corpse stared at me, as if waiting for my reaction, wanting me to fight for her, for something that was already gone. That golden treasure inside her was gone as well, it wasn’t hers to take from me. Traci was never a selfless kind of person, it was always about her. Her her her, but I never thought she would kill a part of who I am.
I could feel my heart about to burst, my body falling apart and the world around me falling with it. I was frozen, I couldn’t move a muscle. My brain was set on pause, trying to comprehend why, but unable.
I sat there on my knees, staring at her damp and illegible letter, at her last selfish attempt that I could do nothing about. Her shadow passed over me, back and forth, my love hovered over me forever gone.
©HeyJude
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
MJ
The Legalization of Marijuana for Medical Reasons
The legalization of marijuana for medical reasons has been widely debated for sometime now. There are pros and cons on each side of the debate, but the pros grossly out-weigh the cons. The legalization of marijuana for medical reasons can help us to progress in the world, help people in serious pain because of severe diseases and has already begun to be legalized in other states for medical purposes.
There are fifteen states in the U.S. that have already legalized marijuana for medical reasons. Of course there are fees, possession limits and you must have an official ID card from a hospital stating you met the requirements and that your disease is severe enough for this. They take the necessary precautions to make sure nothing goes wrong, and that the right people get what they need. It’s a process that’s already up and running in other states, and is working to help patients who really need it. One disease that becomes less painful with the use of marijuana is leukemia, cancer. Going through chemotherapy for this disease is a long crude and torturous process. Marijuana not only helps with the pain of this process, but helps them to keep and appetite, keep food down and keep them healthy.
Marijuana helps to relieve pain in diseases such as various types of cancer, severe arthritis, PKD and many more. This would be a great way to help patients who need it, with an all organic, non-risky solution. The fact that it has already begun in fifteen other states show that it is working, its helping sickly people deal with their physical pain for there irreversible diseases. The opposition to this situation is recognized as well, and is proven small. Some people have claimed marijuana to be a “gate way drug”, and was ever referred to as “ the most addictive drug” in the nineties. Most of the world now sees that while marijuana is still an illegal drug, it is the least worrisome of all drugs. A person is more likely to become more addicted to alcohol, a legal mind numbing substance, than the all natural illegal substance marijuana.
If the world could now open its eyes and see that the legalization of marijuana for medical reasons is not only safe but also an extremely logical solution to pain from diseases. To with hold marijuana from people with heinous diseases is to let people go through constant pain, malnutrition and sometimes even death. The human society has protested many “problems” like the freeing of slaves for example, women rights or even gay marriage. We as a nation progress and its possible we can progress through this too, we must get past this obstacle.
Legalizing marijuana for medical reasons would be a big controversial step, but it is one that is needed. The world has gone through and survived worse than this small bump on a mountain of trouble. This is a chance to help our fellow people with their permanent every day
©HeyJude
The legalization of marijuana for medical reasons has been widely debated for sometime now. There are pros and cons on each side of the debate, but the pros grossly out-weigh the cons. The legalization of marijuana for medical reasons can help us to progress in the world, help people in serious pain because of severe diseases and has already begun to be legalized in other states for medical purposes.
There are fifteen states in the U.S. that have already legalized marijuana for medical reasons. Of course there are fees, possession limits and you must have an official ID card from a hospital stating you met the requirements and that your disease is severe enough for this. They take the necessary precautions to make sure nothing goes wrong, and that the right people get what they need. It’s a process that’s already up and running in other states, and is working to help patients who really need it. One disease that becomes less painful with the use of marijuana is leukemia, cancer. Going through chemotherapy for this disease is a long crude and torturous process. Marijuana not only helps with the pain of this process, but helps them to keep and appetite, keep food down and keep them healthy.
Marijuana helps to relieve pain in diseases such as various types of cancer, severe arthritis, PKD and many more. This would be a great way to help patients who need it, with an all organic, non-risky solution. The fact that it has already begun in fifteen other states show that it is working, its helping sickly people deal with their physical pain for there irreversible diseases. The opposition to this situation is recognized as well, and is proven small. Some people have claimed marijuana to be a “gate way drug”, and was ever referred to as “ the most addictive drug” in the nineties. Most of the world now sees that while marijuana is still an illegal drug, it is the least worrisome of all drugs. A person is more likely to become more addicted to alcohol, a legal mind numbing substance, than the all natural illegal substance marijuana.
If the world could now open its eyes and see that the legalization of marijuana for medical reasons is not only safe but also an extremely logical solution to pain from diseases. To with hold marijuana from people with heinous diseases is to let people go through constant pain, malnutrition and sometimes even death. The human society has protested many “problems” like the freeing of slaves for example, women rights or even gay marriage. We as a nation progress and its possible we can progress through this too, we must get past this obstacle.
Legalizing marijuana for medical reasons would be a big controversial step, but it is one that is needed. The world has gone through and survived worse than this small bump on a mountain of trouble. This is a chance to help our fellow people with their permanent every day
©HeyJude
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Love&Infatuation
Love&Infatuation
Being human, we develop feelings that sometimes we can’t even understand. If our feeling could be put in physical terms, it would most likely seem like a quilted blanket that went on for eternity, each thread a specific feeling. Sometimes these emotions end up tangled within us, and try as we might we end up misinterpreting them most of the time. Though, to narrow it down, one of the most confusing emotions many come across, young and old, is Love and Infatuation.
Love, it comes in many forms that were all familiar with. That park you love so much, the way you love how fresh mowed grass smells, the love you’ll always have for that high school sweet heart. Every one has encountered it at some point in life or will, it is an unavoidable freight train of confusion, happiness and sometimes pain. Love is something that not only confuses itself, but usually ends up confusing every other feeling you have. Many people say “follow your heart” or “the heart wants what the heart wants”, but these two easily thrown clichés can be completely misleading. Though following your heart for the sake of true love and a happy ending seems like a delicious thought, the feeling may not be true. In your heart lies wants, things you yearn for, like love, a common human desire confused by over given attention. The longing for love can cloud your mind, your wants leak into the reality of what is, mucking up the true scenario of what is usually happening, infatuation.
Infatuation is a timeless classic, its in every true love fairy tail, underlining every word. Infatuation is a feeling that can often be confused, when in fact it’s the want for physical touch, sexual contact, and mistaken for love because of loneliness, rules, fads and more. A perfect example of this is the lovely Romeo&Juliet, two teenagers who die for love, though when you really look into it they die for sex, for breaking the rules for once. Romeo and Juliet are both forbidden to see each other, their families hate one and other, this is when fueled their infatuation and makes it dangerous and luring. Though it all really began ion the most basic animalistic way, they see each other and find each other physically attractive. The infatuation between these two completely blind sides them, leading them to think they are in love and ultimately to their deaths.
Infatuation and love always come hand in hand, one can lead to the other. Love is a feeling to be wary of, though when you find it, it’s amazing. Infatuation is a very dangerous and enduring feeling; though it can be delectable it comes masked in trouble.
©HeyJude
Being human, we develop feelings that sometimes we can’t even understand. If our feeling could be put in physical terms, it would most likely seem like a quilted blanket that went on for eternity, each thread a specific feeling. Sometimes these emotions end up tangled within us, and try as we might we end up misinterpreting them most of the time. Though, to narrow it down, one of the most confusing emotions many come across, young and old, is Love and Infatuation.
Love, it comes in many forms that were all familiar with. That park you love so much, the way you love how fresh mowed grass smells, the love you’ll always have for that high school sweet heart. Every one has encountered it at some point in life or will, it is an unavoidable freight train of confusion, happiness and sometimes pain. Love is something that not only confuses itself, but usually ends up confusing every other feeling you have. Many people say “follow your heart” or “the heart wants what the heart wants”, but these two easily thrown clichés can be completely misleading. Though following your heart for the sake of true love and a happy ending seems like a delicious thought, the feeling may not be true. In your heart lies wants, things you yearn for, like love, a common human desire confused by over given attention. The longing for love can cloud your mind, your wants leak into the reality of what is, mucking up the true scenario of what is usually happening, infatuation.
Infatuation is a timeless classic, its in every true love fairy tail, underlining every word. Infatuation is a feeling that can often be confused, when in fact it’s the want for physical touch, sexual contact, and mistaken for love because of loneliness, rules, fads and more. A perfect example of this is the lovely Romeo&Juliet, two teenagers who die for love, though when you really look into it they die for sex, for breaking the rules for once. Romeo and Juliet are both forbidden to see each other, their families hate one and other, this is when fueled their infatuation and makes it dangerous and luring. Though it all really began ion the most basic animalistic way, they see each other and find each other physically attractive. The infatuation between these two completely blind sides them, leading them to think they are in love and ultimately to their deaths.
Infatuation and love always come hand in hand, one can lead to the other. Love is a feeling to be wary of, though when you find it, it’s amazing. Infatuation is a very dangerous and enduring feeling; though it can be delectable it comes masked in trouble.
©HeyJude
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Voices Around Me
The rain was always keeping me on my toes these days, I always stared out the window, expecting something to jump out at me at any given moment. I was a walking paranoid mess when we came here for the summers. For the past 15 summers since I arrived in this unruly world, we have come here every three months out of the year. The house was old and needed repairs badly, at night it would creek like an over talkative child keeping me up all hours of the night. It was always non-stop. Outside my window was a lake, which looked like a black abyss begging for me to fall into it, I felt that it had murderous intentions. The woods surrounded out temporary house and lake like a protective wall. It trapped me here for what seemed like forever to me, the wind howled ferociously and taunted me of my lack of freedom. Nature was mocking me.
My mother would have made me a hot cup of coco right about now, with a bit of cinnamon, and always three marshmallows. She was a nice woman, always well kept, but Nature was my master now, I couldn't’t turn away.
I sat by the window for hours, staring at the sky that was staring back at me. I loathed the way the moon watched me and my every move, it whispered to me menacing stories. I just wanted it to stop, I wanted Nature to just leave me alone now. I could see the shadows moving outside, plotting their devilish deed to trap me here.
I did everything Nature told me to do, I followed every step it shouted at me and still, it would not go away. I did Natures reddish business, and now I sit here stained forever with guilt. Trapped by thought, I could not escape.
I wanted them back, I wanted my mother to stand up and breathe again. I wanted her to wash her velvet blood off me and tell me it’s going to be ok, but she just laid there. Her horror stricken eyes staring up filled me with guilt. I hope she knew I had to do this, I had no other choice.
I could hear the shadows coming for me, the wind was not far behind them, I could hear it angrily howling “youuuuuurrrrMmminnnneee”. I just wanted all these voices, the whispers and the yelling to stop. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone. I just want the to stop!!
I grabbed my fathers hunting knife and I ran out into the unknown darkness of nature. I had to leave them behind in the house, I hope they understand that this was the only why to save them. Nature cant get them now.
“Illllffiiiinnnnnndddyyyyouuuuuu…I aaalllwaaayyyyyssssssswwillll..”
No matter where I was, where I hid, Nature found me. I ran to the black lake, the moon was full tonight and lit it up like a stage waiting on its performers.
‘YYOUUUUU CANT ESSSCAPE MEEEE!”
I walked out as far as I could into the lake, until the water was just below my shoulders. I could see the shadows moving in towards me. The moon watched, waited for these shadow men to rip me apart. I cried, I was scared but I had to do this. I know that when this is all over I will have escaped the voices, everything will be ok.
“YOUUURRRMIIINNNE!! MMMIIIINNNEE!!”
“you cant have me!!” I shouted back in my frail and girlish soprano voice. I held up the hunting knife and pushed it to my slender neck. I looked up at the moon, to the wall of trees and to the shadow men around me. I said in a low voice “..you cant have me..”. I dragged the over sized hunting knife across my neck deep and swift. I felt a sharp pinch first, a warm feeling came over me, and then there was nothing.
Nature couldn't get me now..
©HeyJude
My mother would have made me a hot cup of coco right about now, with a bit of cinnamon, and always three marshmallows. She was a nice woman, always well kept, but Nature was my master now, I couldn't’t turn away.
I sat by the window for hours, staring at the sky that was staring back at me. I loathed the way the moon watched me and my every move, it whispered to me menacing stories. I just wanted it to stop, I wanted Nature to just leave me alone now. I could see the shadows moving outside, plotting their devilish deed to trap me here.
I did everything Nature told me to do, I followed every step it shouted at me and still, it would not go away. I did Natures reddish business, and now I sit here stained forever with guilt. Trapped by thought, I could not escape.
I wanted them back, I wanted my mother to stand up and breathe again. I wanted her to wash her velvet blood off me and tell me it’s going to be ok, but she just laid there. Her horror stricken eyes staring up filled me with guilt. I hope she knew I had to do this, I had no other choice.
I could hear the shadows coming for me, the wind was not far behind them, I could hear it angrily howling “youuuuuurrrrMmminnnneee”. I just wanted all these voices, the whispers and the yelling to stop. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone. I just want the to stop!!
I grabbed my fathers hunting knife and I ran out into the unknown darkness of nature. I had to leave them behind in the house, I hope they understand that this was the only why to save them. Nature cant get them now.
“Illllffiiiinnnnnndddyyyyouuuuuu…I aaalllwaaayyyyyssssssswwillll..”
No matter where I was, where I hid, Nature found me. I ran to the black lake, the moon was full tonight and lit it up like a stage waiting on its performers.
‘YYOUUUUU CANT ESSSCAPE MEEEE!”
I walked out as far as I could into the lake, until the water was just below my shoulders. I could see the shadows moving in towards me. The moon watched, waited for these shadow men to rip me apart. I cried, I was scared but I had to do this. I know that when this is all over I will have escaped the voices, everything will be ok.
“YOUUURRRMIIINNNE!! MMMIIIINNNEE!!”
“you cant have me!!” I shouted back in my frail and girlish soprano voice. I held up the hunting knife and pushed it to my slender neck. I looked up at the moon, to the wall of trees and to the shadow men around me. I said in a low voice “..you cant have me..”. I dragged the over sized hunting knife across my neck deep and swift. I felt a sharp pinch first, a warm feeling came over me, and then there was nothing.
Nature couldn't get me now..
©HeyJude
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Prejudice in America Today
Prejudgment, an assumption made about someone or something before having adequate knowledge to be able to do so with guaranteed accuracy. Ever heard of, “judging a book by its cover” ? Every single person in the world dose this, but some take it to another level, out casting, bullying and taunting people for prejudging them. This is known in the world today as prejudice. Its been with the human race since the beginning of time, and though its drastically decreased it still very much exists in America today.
One common prejudice that everyone knows about is Race. Race refers to the classification of humans into populations or groups based on various factors such as culture, language, social practice or heritable characteristics, but for a long while, it separated us by skin color. Yes, a hundred year ago or so, there were slaves of many races. And although we have come very far from that by giving them rights, protection, fair trials, and over all accepting them as our equals, there are still many who prejudge people according to their skin color. Some silently judge, but there are people who will shout it from the roof tops, some who can be violent and cruel. Skin color, or Race, is still separating neighbor hoods, creates useless gang rivalries, and can sometimes even be found in the most innocent of places like elementary schools, your grocery store, or even your apartment complex.
Religion is a very prejudicial subject for many too, its what paves a path in their life, and for many gives them meaning. Religion is the belief in and worship of a god or gods, or a set of beliefs concerning the origin and purpose of the universe. They tend to derive morality, ethics, religious laws or a preferred lifestyle from their ideas about the cosmos and human nature. This is a major wall in the building of prejudice, it’s a very touchy subject that’s separated people since we were evolved enough to think. There are countless religions in the world today, Christianity, Catholicism, Buddhism, Satanism, Hinduism, Baha’i Faith and many more, but its always been something to separate us as a society. Its caused wars, people today kill over it, fight senselessly over it trying to prove that their truth is better then others, when the reason most people came to America in the first place is for their Freedom of Religion. The acts of some of these religious groups, and I say groups because each church of a certain religion is not the same, but some of these groups have done horrendous acts all in the name of their belief, their truth.
Something we can’t look past now days is sexual orientation. Sexual orientation describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to men, women, both genders, either gender, or another gender. According to the American Psychological Association, sexual orientation is enduring and also refers to a person's sense of "personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them." Whether we like it or not Sexual orientation is a big deal right now because people are more open about it and refuse to hide it any longer. It’s everywhere waiting to be accepted one day, though it seems as if America is split in half by this. A lot of people don’t agree with a sexual orientation other than a man and a woman together, some deriving from their religious views and some because its just “not natural”. There are many ongoing reasons to why people of different sexual orientations are prejudged, labeled as sinners, crazy, wrong or even freaks, but the main reason is because they are different. People fear differentially in others, especially when they think those people choose to be different, and its always going to be something that is prejudged, something that is going to hold us back as one human race. Like many situations before, we America have the power to accept, and to move forward with this.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices, though prejudice has decreased in this century by a land slide, its still every where you look and around every corner you turn. America today is ridden with prejudice and can only be healed of it by time and by a slow acceptance of every ones differences.
* it didnt need to be that long of an essay, so there ya go
©HeyJude
One common prejudice that everyone knows about is Race. Race refers to the classification of humans into populations or groups based on various factors such as culture, language, social practice or heritable characteristics, but for a long while, it separated us by skin color. Yes, a hundred year ago or so, there were slaves of many races. And although we have come very far from that by giving them rights, protection, fair trials, and over all accepting them as our equals, there are still many who prejudge people according to their skin color. Some silently judge, but there are people who will shout it from the roof tops, some who can be violent and cruel. Skin color, or Race, is still separating neighbor hoods, creates useless gang rivalries, and can sometimes even be found in the most innocent of places like elementary schools, your grocery store, or even your apartment complex.
Religion is a very prejudicial subject for many too, its what paves a path in their life, and for many gives them meaning. Religion is the belief in and worship of a god or gods, or a set of beliefs concerning the origin and purpose of the universe. They tend to derive morality, ethics, religious laws or a preferred lifestyle from their ideas about the cosmos and human nature. This is a major wall in the building of prejudice, it’s a very touchy subject that’s separated people since we were evolved enough to think. There are countless religions in the world today, Christianity, Catholicism, Buddhism, Satanism, Hinduism, Baha’i Faith and many more, but its always been something to separate us as a society. Its caused wars, people today kill over it, fight senselessly over it trying to prove that their truth is better then others, when the reason most people came to America in the first place is for their Freedom of Religion. The acts of some of these religious groups, and I say groups because each church of a certain religion is not the same, but some of these groups have done horrendous acts all in the name of their belief, their truth.
Something we can’t look past now days is sexual orientation. Sexual orientation describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to men, women, both genders, either gender, or another gender. According to the American Psychological Association, sexual orientation is enduring and also refers to a person's sense of "personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them." Whether we like it or not Sexual orientation is a big deal right now because people are more open about it and refuse to hide it any longer. It’s everywhere waiting to be accepted one day, though it seems as if America is split in half by this. A lot of people don’t agree with a sexual orientation other than a man and a woman together, some deriving from their religious views and some because its just “not natural”. There are many ongoing reasons to why people of different sexual orientations are prejudged, labeled as sinners, crazy, wrong or even freaks, but the main reason is because they are different. People fear differentially in others, especially when they think those people choose to be different, and its always going to be something that is prejudged, something that is going to hold us back as one human race. Like many situations before, we America have the power to accept, and to move forward with this.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices, though prejudice has decreased in this century by a land slide, its still every where you look and around every corner you turn. America today is ridden with prejudice and can only be healed of it by time and by a slow acceptance of every ones differences.
* it didnt need to be that long of an essay, so there ya go
©HeyJude
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Our Destined Red Planet
I could never get use to the damp coldness of the Underground, I was alone on this world and forgotten to the universe. I never wanted to come here, but I had no choice, none of us did. The raids began in small villages, towns, then they began to move up to big cities. We tried hiding for a while, those of us who had to anyway, we had no place to go, no home because our family’s out casted us as “freaks”, or “monsters”.
We were thrown out to the street to disappear from their minds, to rot.
We took refuge in any place we could, sewers, abandon buildings, places people didn’t even know of , was our home. There was a whole underground world composed of us, helping each other out, strangers became family to me. I was the least freakish of us all. I had pitch black eyes, my lips, nails, and my hair were all pitch black. I use to have long blonde hair, a golden gift that was all my own, and it just disappeared overnight, and so did I. My family thought I was a demon, they said I was possessed that I had given in to the devil. Bullshit. The minute they saw me I was alone in this world. When the raids began, I ran away, I knew my parents would send me away to the ships anyway so I thought I would just get a head start.
In my new family there was Mike, he was a complete sweetheart who looked like a monster, black shaggy hair, his skin was a bright red, his eyes were yellow and his parents called him a demon too, I liked mike, I got along with him. Marissa was tough; she was a leader type and took care of us all. If there was a problem, she knew what to do. Despite the fact that she had purple scales, green hair, and very useful gills, she was probably the most normal of us all. The way she looked never bothered her, I asked her one day about it and all she said was “sweetie, I’ve always loved all eyes on me”. I wish I had what Marissa had, confidence. Sid was the man of the group, he and Marissa were together. Sid could blend in with anything, like a chameleon. He was the clown of our raggedy family, but when he had to be tough, he’d take you down in a fraction of a second. And then there was Jaden. He was always pissed about something, always fired up, which makes sense since he could set anything he wanted on fire, by simply touching it. As ripped apart as my new family was, I loved them.
We had been hiding in the underground for a while, the raids hadn’t found us just yet but we knew they were close. They were collecting us, shipping off to Mars so we wouldn’t ruin their precious home, as if it weren’t our home at one point too. I heard they were testing on other mutants, looking for what caused up to change. They treated us like animals, worse, they treated us as if we had no soul, no conscious like their own, and obviously ours was more developed.
I had dreams about the raids coming when we were asleep, and waking in a room, strapped to a bed. Then they poke, prod and cut me open, and theres nothing I can do to stop it, then I wake up. Drenched in sweat like id just come back from swimming. My screaming always woke everyone up.
And then it happened. The raids invaded the Underground, we were woken up by screams. There were people everywhere, shooting us, catching us. I was in shock; I could only stare at the stilled bodies lying on the floor. They had finally found us and my taped together world was falling apart once again. Sid must have taken out 20 men with guns, nets.. Mike stayed by my side, his goal was to make sure I was safe, and mine was the same to him. Jaden, of course, wouldn’t pass up this opportunity of destruction. I’d always stayed out of Jadens way, I always thought that on some level he was just mentally unstable but I was glad he was there that night. We all needed him. Marissa and Sid led the way, and we made it out to some back sewer pipes. It was time to find a new home again, rebuild it all from scratch. All I could tell myself was ‘al least I had my family, we were safe’.
The sewers were pitch black, but I could see, my eyes were like built in night vision. It was the only thing I loved about this mutation, I wasn’t afraid of what was in the dark anymore, because I’d see it first. I was in the lead, but mike was right behind me, ready to protect me from anything coming our way whether he could see it or not. That’s what I loved about Mike, he would throw himself in dangers way for me. As far as cute mutants go, I would think Mike was one of them, I admired the red, and I cold stare at his eyes forever.
We came to a cross, four ways and no one knew where to go. We could still hear the screams and mayhem behind us. I didn’t care which way we went I just wanted it to stop. Why couldn’t they just leave us be, let us live in the underground, we were out of their way and their world.
We heard splashes of someone heading towards us, a couple of someones. I could see that it was the Raiders, they found us, followed us, and they had their guns. They were going to tear my family apart. We all just began to run, and I didn’t notice it till it was too late but we all went different ways. Mike and I one way, Marissa, Sid and Jaden the other way. I couldn’t breathe, I wanted to run back and find them but Mike was dragging me forward.
My family was split.
I could hear the Raiders behind us, closer and closer. I looked forward and I could see a wall. Just a wall, a big cement slab of road block straight in front of us. There was going to be no where to go after that, I didn’t have the heart to tell Mike that it was all over. This was the end. We reached the wall, and above us was an opening with bars on it. Mike tried to bend them, but it was no use, they wouldn’t budge. The moon was shining down on us through the jail like bars keeping us from freedom, Mike turned to me and held me, he told me he would always be there for me. All I could do was stare into his big yellow eyes, all I could think of was how much I knew I loved Mike, and I never told him.
Then it all went black.
I had thought the Raiders were carrying guns, and they were, but they had darts to knock you out in them, not bullets.
I woke up on a ship, I was in a seat next to the window. I looked out that window and all I could see was the vast loneliness of space, and a big red rock that were were heading to, sentenced to death, torture maybe? I wasn’t sure just yet. I looked over to my right and there was Mike, looking at me with his big loving yellow eyes. My forever.
“ im sorry I couldn’t protect you Aria..” is all he said to me. I looked at him, I grabbed him, and I kissed him, I had always wanted to. And all I said back to him was “ I love you Mike”.. “ I love you too Aria”.
I leaned in his arms, waiting for what was coming. Whatever it was I was going to take it head on, I wasn’t going to give up hope. Home is where you make it, and for me, that was with Mike. I was going to go down kicking and screaming if I had to.
©HeyJude
We were thrown out to the street to disappear from their minds, to rot.
We took refuge in any place we could, sewers, abandon buildings, places people didn’t even know of , was our home. There was a whole underground world composed of us, helping each other out, strangers became family to me. I was the least freakish of us all. I had pitch black eyes, my lips, nails, and my hair were all pitch black. I use to have long blonde hair, a golden gift that was all my own, and it just disappeared overnight, and so did I. My family thought I was a demon, they said I was possessed that I had given in to the devil. Bullshit. The minute they saw me I was alone in this world. When the raids began, I ran away, I knew my parents would send me away to the ships anyway so I thought I would just get a head start.
In my new family there was Mike, he was a complete sweetheart who looked like a monster, black shaggy hair, his skin was a bright red, his eyes were yellow and his parents called him a demon too, I liked mike, I got along with him. Marissa was tough; she was a leader type and took care of us all. If there was a problem, she knew what to do. Despite the fact that she had purple scales, green hair, and very useful gills, she was probably the most normal of us all. The way she looked never bothered her, I asked her one day about it and all she said was “sweetie, I’ve always loved all eyes on me”. I wish I had what Marissa had, confidence. Sid was the man of the group, he and Marissa were together. Sid could blend in with anything, like a chameleon. He was the clown of our raggedy family, but when he had to be tough, he’d take you down in a fraction of a second. And then there was Jaden. He was always pissed about something, always fired up, which makes sense since he could set anything he wanted on fire, by simply touching it. As ripped apart as my new family was, I loved them.
We had been hiding in the underground for a while, the raids hadn’t found us just yet but we knew they were close. They were collecting us, shipping off to Mars so we wouldn’t ruin their precious home, as if it weren’t our home at one point too. I heard they were testing on other mutants, looking for what caused up to change. They treated us like animals, worse, they treated us as if we had no soul, no conscious like their own, and obviously ours was more developed.
I had dreams about the raids coming when we were asleep, and waking in a room, strapped to a bed. Then they poke, prod and cut me open, and theres nothing I can do to stop it, then I wake up. Drenched in sweat like id just come back from swimming. My screaming always woke everyone up.
And then it happened. The raids invaded the Underground, we were woken up by screams. There were people everywhere, shooting us, catching us. I was in shock; I could only stare at the stilled bodies lying on the floor. They had finally found us and my taped together world was falling apart once again. Sid must have taken out 20 men with guns, nets.. Mike stayed by my side, his goal was to make sure I was safe, and mine was the same to him. Jaden, of course, wouldn’t pass up this opportunity of destruction. I’d always stayed out of Jadens way, I always thought that on some level he was just mentally unstable but I was glad he was there that night. We all needed him. Marissa and Sid led the way, and we made it out to some back sewer pipes. It was time to find a new home again, rebuild it all from scratch. All I could tell myself was ‘al least I had my family, we were safe’.
The sewers were pitch black, but I could see, my eyes were like built in night vision. It was the only thing I loved about this mutation, I wasn’t afraid of what was in the dark anymore, because I’d see it first. I was in the lead, but mike was right behind me, ready to protect me from anything coming our way whether he could see it or not. That’s what I loved about Mike, he would throw himself in dangers way for me. As far as cute mutants go, I would think Mike was one of them, I admired the red, and I cold stare at his eyes forever.
We came to a cross, four ways and no one knew where to go. We could still hear the screams and mayhem behind us. I didn’t care which way we went I just wanted it to stop. Why couldn’t they just leave us be, let us live in the underground, we were out of their way and their world.
We heard splashes of someone heading towards us, a couple of someones. I could see that it was the Raiders, they found us, followed us, and they had their guns. They were going to tear my family apart. We all just began to run, and I didn’t notice it till it was too late but we all went different ways. Mike and I one way, Marissa, Sid and Jaden the other way. I couldn’t breathe, I wanted to run back and find them but Mike was dragging me forward.
My family was split.
I could hear the Raiders behind us, closer and closer. I looked forward and I could see a wall. Just a wall, a big cement slab of road block straight in front of us. There was going to be no where to go after that, I didn’t have the heart to tell Mike that it was all over. This was the end. We reached the wall, and above us was an opening with bars on it. Mike tried to bend them, but it was no use, they wouldn’t budge. The moon was shining down on us through the jail like bars keeping us from freedom, Mike turned to me and held me, he told me he would always be there for me. All I could do was stare into his big yellow eyes, all I could think of was how much I knew I loved Mike, and I never told him.
Then it all went black.
I had thought the Raiders were carrying guns, and they were, but they had darts to knock you out in them, not bullets.
I woke up on a ship, I was in a seat next to the window. I looked out that window and all I could see was the vast loneliness of space, and a big red rock that were were heading to, sentenced to death, torture maybe? I wasn’t sure just yet. I looked over to my right and there was Mike, looking at me with his big loving yellow eyes. My forever.
“ im sorry I couldn’t protect you Aria..” is all he said to me. I looked at him, I grabbed him, and I kissed him, I had always wanted to. And all I said back to him was “ I love you Mike”.. “ I love you too Aria”.
I leaned in his arms, waiting for what was coming. Whatever it was I was going to take it head on, I wasn’t going to give up hope. Home is where you make it, and for me, that was with Mike. I was going to go down kicking and screaming if I had to.
©HeyJude
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I Never Met To Hurt Her
I never ment to hurt anyone. It was uncontrollable, the harder I tried to fight it, the more I realized there was nothing to fight. I didn’t understand what had happened, I didn’t want to understand. I wanted it all back, my life, the world, my Karen. Everything.
Id woken up that morning to find myself late for work..again. I wasent a very punctual man, always late, never knew exactly what to say and when I tried to it came out all sorts of wrong. Thank God for Karen though, she knew my words before I did, I don’t know what id do without her.
“Riley! Are you home?”
“uhh, im off today..”
She knew I was lying, she could hear it in my voice but she didn’t care, I was hers today.
I don’t know how I dint notice the fact that no one called to ask me where I was. The TV stations were out, I though maybe something was wrong with the cable, it did that sometimes. It was quiet all day. Then I answered the door, and that’s when everyting went wrong.
Some man pushed his way in, he said he needed help. He looked like he was attacked by dogs, or some animal. I was just staring at him, he was so bloody. I realized I had yet to grab the phone to call 911, so I did just that. It was busy. How the fuck, is 911 busy, I thought. Karen came downstairs, and she helped the man to sit down. Then he started to convulse, or something. We didn’t know what to do, neither of us really knew CPR, except what we had seen on those stupid hospital shows that she makes me watch. The convulsing turned to twitching, and that led to the stillness. I knew he was gone.
We kept dialing 911, nothing. Nothing, there was nothing. We went back upstairs, so I could lay down, and to keep calling 911. What was I suppose to do, there was a dead, stranger, in my house. I don’t know how we managed to, but we fell asleep.
I don’t know why I woke up, but I did. Animal instinct maybe? Well I woke up to find that stranger very much alive. He was in our bedroom door way, just staring at us. I shook Karen up.
“are you ok??! We thought you were, well, gone! Weve been calling 911, but its…busy”
He looked different. Paler, agitated, and he didn’t say a word. Then he screamed, more like, screatched. And he ran at us. I pushed Karen off the bed, and I jumped at him. I don’t know what his problem was but I wasn’t going to let him hurt her, I don’t care how bad hes hurt. I wrestled him to the ground, but he bit me and I let go. He got a good chunck out of me too! I grabbed my golf club and I swung. “Self defence right? That’s what ill tell the police” is what I thought when I swung. He was out. Karen was screaming her head off of course. When she noticed me bleeding from where he had bitten me she lost it. Silly Karen, always making big deals out of nothing, it was a bite. All i needed was a bandage.
I instantly felt dizzy though. I thought maybe it was the hydrenalen? So I sat down. She was getting some bandages. I plopped myself on our bed as she began to bandage me, and that’s where it gets fuzzy.
I remember it being hard to breathe, and then nothing. I woke up and Karen was in a corner, staring at me. She looked as though she was crying, and I wanted to go hold her, but my body didn’t move. Well, it did move, it just didn’t do what I was trying to do. My body was just standing there, I couldn’t make myself move, talk, I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing.
“please! Riley please..” she said to me.
Please what? It didn’t feel real.
My body, I, ran at her. Tried to grab her, hurt her and I couldn’t even stop it. It was like watching a train about to crash, you know its going to happen but theres nothing you can do about it. She ran into the restroom and locked the door. I began to hit the door, pounding it till my hands bled. I knew what would happen if I got through. I could feel it. I tried my hardest to to stop. Id give the world to have stopped myself.
I got through. She screamed, there was no where to run. She tried to fight me off, I wish she could have killed me. I threw her to a wall, she was on the floor. I was stronger, faster, I held her down. She looked at me, with her big blue eyes.
“I love you..”
I love you. I loved her more than my own life, I would do anything for this woman. She was worth everything to me, worth dying for, worth killing for.
I couldn’t control what happen next. I tried to with all my might to restrain my body, but nothing worked. I leaned in fast, and bit her cheek, took a piece clean off. Then, I went for the eyes, her beautiful eyes. My thumbs went strait into her sockets. She tried to fight off my arms, but I was too much. She died then. That moment felt like years. I was dying inside, screaming, butit was like space. No one could hear me, I was just a mere thought now.
Her screams stay with me till this day, all their screams do. I go over what happen, every hour of everyday. I know what I am, I thought it was only in movies this could happen, I was a Zombie. I thought in movies, you died and became a Zombie, turns out you live through it all. And theres nothing you can do about it.
So now I wait. I don’t know how long its been, but im waiting for the day that someone kills me. So I can be with my Karen again, I hope she knows I couldn’t control what I did. I hope they all know. Ive killed so many now, women, men, children. Each time I try to stop, but I cant. Now, I don’t even try to stop.
Im slowly going insane, im alone, if I could kill myself I would, but I cant even do that.
©HeyJude
Id woken up that morning to find myself late for work..again. I wasent a very punctual man, always late, never knew exactly what to say and when I tried to it came out all sorts of wrong. Thank God for Karen though, she knew my words before I did, I don’t know what id do without her.
“Riley! Are you home?”
“uhh, im off today..”
She knew I was lying, she could hear it in my voice but she didn’t care, I was hers today.
I don’t know how I dint notice the fact that no one called to ask me where I was. The TV stations were out, I though maybe something was wrong with the cable, it did that sometimes. It was quiet all day. Then I answered the door, and that’s when everyting went wrong.
Some man pushed his way in, he said he needed help. He looked like he was attacked by dogs, or some animal. I was just staring at him, he was so bloody. I realized I had yet to grab the phone to call 911, so I did just that. It was busy. How the fuck, is 911 busy, I thought. Karen came downstairs, and she helped the man to sit down. Then he started to convulse, or something. We didn’t know what to do, neither of us really knew CPR, except what we had seen on those stupid hospital shows that she makes me watch. The convulsing turned to twitching, and that led to the stillness. I knew he was gone.
We kept dialing 911, nothing. Nothing, there was nothing. We went back upstairs, so I could lay down, and to keep calling 911. What was I suppose to do, there was a dead, stranger, in my house. I don’t know how we managed to, but we fell asleep.
I don’t know why I woke up, but I did. Animal instinct maybe? Well I woke up to find that stranger very much alive. He was in our bedroom door way, just staring at us. I shook Karen up.
“are you ok??! We thought you were, well, gone! Weve been calling 911, but its…busy”
He looked different. Paler, agitated, and he didn’t say a word. Then he screamed, more like, screatched. And he ran at us. I pushed Karen off the bed, and I jumped at him. I don’t know what his problem was but I wasn’t going to let him hurt her, I don’t care how bad hes hurt. I wrestled him to the ground, but he bit me and I let go. He got a good chunck out of me too! I grabbed my golf club and I swung. “Self defence right? That’s what ill tell the police” is what I thought when I swung. He was out. Karen was screaming her head off of course. When she noticed me bleeding from where he had bitten me she lost it. Silly Karen, always making big deals out of nothing, it was a bite. All i needed was a bandage.
I instantly felt dizzy though. I thought maybe it was the hydrenalen? So I sat down. She was getting some bandages. I plopped myself on our bed as she began to bandage me, and that’s where it gets fuzzy.
I remember it being hard to breathe, and then nothing. I woke up and Karen was in a corner, staring at me. She looked as though she was crying, and I wanted to go hold her, but my body didn’t move. Well, it did move, it just didn’t do what I was trying to do. My body was just standing there, I couldn’t make myself move, talk, I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing.
“please! Riley please..” she said to me.
Please what? It didn’t feel real.
My body, I, ran at her. Tried to grab her, hurt her and I couldn’t even stop it. It was like watching a train about to crash, you know its going to happen but theres nothing you can do about it. She ran into the restroom and locked the door. I began to hit the door, pounding it till my hands bled. I knew what would happen if I got through. I could feel it. I tried my hardest to to stop. Id give the world to have stopped myself.
I got through. She screamed, there was no where to run. She tried to fight me off, I wish she could have killed me. I threw her to a wall, she was on the floor. I was stronger, faster, I held her down. She looked at me, with her big blue eyes.
“I love you..”
I love you. I loved her more than my own life, I would do anything for this woman. She was worth everything to me, worth dying for, worth killing for.
I couldn’t control what happen next. I tried to with all my might to restrain my body, but nothing worked. I leaned in fast, and bit her cheek, took a piece clean off. Then, I went for the eyes, her beautiful eyes. My thumbs went strait into her sockets. She tried to fight off my arms, but I was too much. She died then. That moment felt like years. I was dying inside, screaming, butit was like space. No one could hear me, I was just a mere thought now.
Her screams stay with me till this day, all their screams do. I go over what happen, every hour of everyday. I know what I am, I thought it was only in movies this could happen, I was a Zombie. I thought in movies, you died and became a Zombie, turns out you live through it all. And theres nothing you can do about it.
So now I wait. I don’t know how long its been, but im waiting for the day that someone kills me. So I can be with my Karen again, I hope she knows I couldn’t control what I did. I hope they all know. Ive killed so many now, women, men, children. Each time I try to stop, but I cant. Now, I don’t even try to stop.
Im slowly going insane, im alone, if I could kill myself I would, but I cant even do that.
©HeyJude
Monday, September 13, 2010
Forever Changed
The world never knew what was coming. We joked about this fictional horror and labeled it as nonsense. I can remember when it began, for me at least; it was pitch black that night. My yard looked as if a blanket had been thrown over it, the air was crisp and held the faint scent of fresh laundry. That was the day the world changed for not just me but everyone in it, forever.This was the invasion of the Zombies.
I was in the family room attempting to watch my favorite show, but couldn’t over the clashing voices of my mother and brother. “Clean your room! Why cant you do this one thing!” my mom yelled, “its clean enough!! Its MY ROOOM!!!” my brother shouted back. This was a typical Friday night. My father was in the kitchen, I could smell the oregano, so I was looking forward to some spaghetti soon. Fluffy, our dog, was relentlessly barking out the window in our dinning room, barking at nothing but the dark. We thought it was a cat, some animal in the garbage. The window in the dinning room suddenly came crashing down, we were unprepared for what was about to happen to us.
We ran to our dinning room, it was a very plain room except for the dark cherry wood table and the cabinet full of thin china glass. Now the room was loud, full of color, full of red. There was a blood covered man on my floor, I could see his flesh torn, missing, his bones poking out the most unnatural way possible. The oder that was coming from him was unimaginable, it gripped my senses and held them as tight as I could. I couldn’t get a hold of myself, I was going to be sick, I could feel it burning and creeping up my throat but I was too horrified to realize it. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t run, I couldn’t even think straight I was just staring.
Looking back now, I should have known something was wrong. I should have ran, locked the door, grab a bat. Something, I should have done something.
I thought he was dead, but he stood up to stare at us, to stare at me. He looked me in the eye for what felt like a life time, and he ran at me. I could move again but it was too late, all I could do was scream, scream like I never have before, as if it were my last breath. My father had gotten his gun without me noticing, he shot the hollow shell that had been a peron down. First in the arm but that didn’t even phase the creature, than in the head and he stayed down. The second shot was like a rope, pulling me back into reality. We grabbed a few things, canned food, water, clothes, my dads few guns, a cell phone and headed to our SUV. The radio said those, things, were everywhere. They were attacking people, eating them than turning into them. I didn’t know what this was, a disease or our worlds end but I planned to survive. There was a city that was letting uninfected people into it, they were low on supplies but it was secure. The guys on the radio referred to it as the Safe City, and that was our destination.
Everything seemed to change so suddenly, and so drasticly. It didn’t even feel real to me.
We drove for days on end, killing a few of those things on our way. We had a few scares, thinking we were going to die, turn into some mindless thing. I just wanted this to all end. I knew that once this was over, I’d be changed forever. I could see it happening to my family around me, everyone but my father and I had given up hope and reaching Safe City. I was determined. It was dawn, we should have reached the city days ago. I was worried about my mother, she needed normal, that city was our only chance to live and her only chance at sanity. We came over a hill and I felt an instant wave of relief over my entire body. It was like these past few weeks I was choking, that permanent noose around my neck had finally loosened. We pulled up to gates that were as tall as my house, they looked indestructible. It was the SafeCity, and it was on fire. My noose tightened again.
©HeyJude
I was in the family room attempting to watch my favorite show, but couldn’t over the clashing voices of my mother and brother. “Clean your room! Why cant you do this one thing!” my mom yelled, “its clean enough!! Its MY ROOOM!!!” my brother shouted back. This was a typical Friday night. My father was in the kitchen, I could smell the oregano, so I was looking forward to some spaghetti soon. Fluffy, our dog, was relentlessly barking out the window in our dinning room, barking at nothing but the dark. We thought it was a cat, some animal in the garbage. The window in the dinning room suddenly came crashing down, we were unprepared for what was about to happen to us.
We ran to our dinning room, it was a very plain room except for the dark cherry wood table and the cabinet full of thin china glass. Now the room was loud, full of color, full of red. There was a blood covered man on my floor, I could see his flesh torn, missing, his bones poking out the most unnatural way possible. The oder that was coming from him was unimaginable, it gripped my senses and held them as tight as I could. I couldn’t get a hold of myself, I was going to be sick, I could feel it burning and creeping up my throat but I was too horrified to realize it. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t run, I couldn’t even think straight I was just staring.
Looking back now, I should have known something was wrong. I should have ran, locked the door, grab a bat. Something, I should have done something.
I thought he was dead, but he stood up to stare at us, to stare at me. He looked me in the eye for what felt like a life time, and he ran at me. I could move again but it was too late, all I could do was scream, scream like I never have before, as if it were my last breath. My father had gotten his gun without me noticing, he shot the hollow shell that had been a peron down. First in the arm but that didn’t even phase the creature, than in the head and he stayed down. The second shot was like a rope, pulling me back into reality. We grabbed a few things, canned food, water, clothes, my dads few guns, a cell phone and headed to our SUV. The radio said those, things, were everywhere. They were attacking people, eating them than turning into them. I didn’t know what this was, a disease or our worlds end but I planned to survive. There was a city that was letting uninfected people into it, they were low on supplies but it was secure. The guys on the radio referred to it as the Safe City, and that was our destination.
Everything seemed to change so suddenly, and so drasticly. It didn’t even feel real to me.
We drove for days on end, killing a few of those things on our way. We had a few scares, thinking we were going to die, turn into some mindless thing. I just wanted this to all end. I knew that once this was over, I’d be changed forever. I could see it happening to my family around me, everyone but my father and I had given up hope and reaching Safe City. I was determined. It was dawn, we should have reached the city days ago. I was worried about my mother, she needed normal, that city was our only chance to live and her only chance at sanity. We came over a hill and I felt an instant wave of relief over my entire body. It was like these past few weeks I was choking, that permanent noose around my neck had finally loosened. We pulled up to gates that were as tall as my house, they looked indestructible. It was the SafeCity, and it was on fire. My noose tightened again.
©HeyJude
Saturday, September 11, 2010
English Journal #3
Something that horrified my parents was my mind. From maybe 6th grade to my junior year in high school, I was a very different person. In the beginning it started as me just not caring much about anything, life, people, and classes. I was a bit dark, and I was sad. I’ve never been sure why I was so sad, because I had not a thing to be sad about. I was healthy; I had friends, a home, and both parents. I was depressed, and I began doing unforgivable things to myself. I tried many times to tell my parents how I felt, how I knew something was wrong with me. They saw how sad I was everyday, they even tried to cheer me up.
Though, I think subconsciously they knew what was happening, and they just didn’t want to accept what was wrong. I scared them. When I finally demanded help, real help, my mom simply asked “cant you just pretend to be happy? Then maybe it will happen.” . I know she met well, but those few words stuck with me. This situation that happened keeps me feeling guilty, its why I try so hard in everything I do now. I guess I see it as a “im sorry”, for scaring them.
This is something that was naturally forbidden to talk about. It was never said out loud, but we knew to never talk about it. I know its just something they want to forget, I feel like they worry now when im upset. They are afraid of what happened, but their not afraid to ask anymore.
Though they became more involved in me, they didn’t approve of everything. There were ways of life that were quietly out of the question. I consider them typical parental belief/rules, don’t do drugs, don’t drink, gay is not good, believe in god, go to church, go to school. So of course, I broke every one of those rules. I decided if i hadn’t tried it, maybe I should, and I did. And I told my parents about it, I didn’t lie because I had no reason to. I wanted to be open with them even if they didn’t like what they heard, and they respected me for that.
©HeyJude
Though, I think subconsciously they knew what was happening, and they just didn’t want to accept what was wrong. I scared them. When I finally demanded help, real help, my mom simply asked “cant you just pretend to be happy? Then maybe it will happen.” . I know she met well, but those few words stuck with me. This situation that happened keeps me feeling guilty, its why I try so hard in everything I do now. I guess I see it as a “im sorry”, for scaring them.
This is something that was naturally forbidden to talk about. It was never said out loud, but we knew to never talk about it. I know its just something they want to forget, I feel like they worry now when im upset. They are afraid of what happened, but their not afraid to ask anymore.
Though they became more involved in me, they didn’t approve of everything. There were ways of life that were quietly out of the question. I consider them typical parental belief/rules, don’t do drugs, don’t drink, gay is not good, believe in god, go to church, go to school. So of course, I broke every one of those rules. I decided if i hadn’t tried it, maybe I should, and I did. And I told my parents about it, I didn’t lie because I had no reason to. I wanted to be open with them even if they didn’t like what they heard, and they respected me for that.
©HeyJude
English Journal #2
A secret is something that tears you up inside, when you think about it you become nauseated, you feel dirty and you want to scream. I know that every person on this planet has a secret of their own. Many never tell a soul, but go over what happened in their head over and over again.
I have a secret; I’ve kept it for 14 years now. I’ve tried to console to people about it, tried to get it out of my mind, and sometimes I truly forget about it. I fear what will happen if I reveal my secret, what will that person think. I know now, now that im older its not my fault, but a piece of me will always feel that it is. Mainly, Ill always feel that way because I never told anyone, I should have. This secret is one that I would be relived to share, but I just cant yet. I’ve tried numerous times, but I still can’t. I’m just not ready to entirely admit what happen. I don’t know to whom I would be comfortable telling it to though, a stranger maybe. Someone I won’t have to see every day, I won’t have to look at them and wonder if their thinking about it.
Nothing will become of this secret once its let loose; no one can do anything about it. It has been too long, it’s the past and its unchangeable. I don’t even think I myself will feel better or relieved about it, I assume I would be, but I can easily be wrong. I think about this, and I cringe, if I can hardly think about it without breaking, how can I say it aloud to someone. Idealized secrets of your self are easier to tell, they don’t hurt to think about. Secrets that degrade you, the ones that haunt you when your alone, those are the hardest to tell.
©HeyJude
I have a secret; I’ve kept it for 14 years now. I’ve tried to console to people about it, tried to get it out of my mind, and sometimes I truly forget about it. I fear what will happen if I reveal my secret, what will that person think. I know now, now that im older its not my fault, but a piece of me will always feel that it is. Mainly, Ill always feel that way because I never told anyone, I should have. This secret is one that I would be relived to share, but I just cant yet. I’ve tried numerous times, but I still can’t. I’m just not ready to entirely admit what happen. I don’t know to whom I would be comfortable telling it to though, a stranger maybe. Someone I won’t have to see every day, I won’t have to look at them and wonder if their thinking about it.
Nothing will become of this secret once its let loose; no one can do anything about it. It has been too long, it’s the past and its unchangeable. I don’t even think I myself will feel better or relieved about it, I assume I would be, but I can easily be wrong. I think about this, and I cringe, if I can hardly think about it without breaking, how can I say it aloud to someone. Idealized secrets of your self are easier to tell, they don’t hurt to think about. Secrets that degrade you, the ones that haunt you when your alone, those are the hardest to tell.
©HeyJude
English Journal #1
In public, as in stranger public, im a very happy-go-lucky kind of person. Im laid back, open to most ideas floating around in the world. I try to make myself that way, I try to be open to everyone and their views on everything. I come off as a very friendly and caring person, one you can easily pen up to, fall in love with, im someone you want to know. I dish out my manners; because that’s what im taught to do, don’t be rude. With people I know well, im a bit more open, im sarcastic, loud, obnoxious, I say what is on my mind whether good or bad.
Im selfish because I feel it’s the only way to survive, im cold to strangers because it keeps you from getting hurt, this is my semi-public self. Or, that’s how I perceive it when I put myself in someone else’s place. I tend to like these roles, because a part of me is truly this way. Everyone is someone else in public, other wise everyone would be pissing each other off left and right. No one is completely their selves in public, but it’s a part of who they really are.
I have thought often that I am an actor in the crowd, an actor in life. There is a certain way everyone expects you to be, power figures, friends, parents and even strangers. I must be polite, be good, obey rules, succeed, be friendly, nice, and presentable. I must be myself all at the same time though.
In truth, I am uncaring to the world and myself, I am sarcastic, rude, funny, I make mistakes, sometimes I fail, I can be cold, sunny, warm, inviting, happy, and many more things. Everyone is an actor in public, because everyone is human and wants to be liked. Though maybe not liked by everyone, but by a select few. The one thing I consider myself best at, is acting, are we all not great actors? Are we all not great actors in this play of Life?
©HeyJude
Im selfish because I feel it’s the only way to survive, im cold to strangers because it keeps you from getting hurt, this is my semi-public self. Or, that’s how I perceive it when I put myself in someone else’s place. I tend to like these roles, because a part of me is truly this way. Everyone is someone else in public, other wise everyone would be pissing each other off left and right. No one is completely their selves in public, but it’s a part of who they really are.
I have thought often that I am an actor in the crowd, an actor in life. There is a certain way everyone expects you to be, power figures, friends, parents and even strangers. I must be polite, be good, obey rules, succeed, be friendly, nice, and presentable. I must be myself all at the same time though.
In truth, I am uncaring to the world and myself, I am sarcastic, rude, funny, I make mistakes, sometimes I fail, I can be cold, sunny, warm, inviting, happy, and many more things. Everyone is an actor in public, because everyone is human and wants to be liked. Though maybe not liked by everyone, but by a select few. The one thing I consider myself best at, is acting, are we all not great actors? Are we all not great actors in this play of Life?
©HeyJude
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