I Never Met To Hurt Her

I never ment to hurt anyone. It was uncontrollable, the harder I tried to fight it, the more I realized there was nothing to fight. I didn’t understand what had happened, I didn’t want to understand. I wanted it all back, my life, the world, my Karen. Everything.

Id woken up that morning to find myself late for work..again. I wasent a very punctual man, always late, never knew exactly what to say and when I tried to it came out all sorts of wrong. Thank God for Karen though, she knew my words before I did, I don’t know what id do without her.

“Riley! Are you home?”

“uhh, im off today..”

She knew I was lying, she could hear it in my voice but she didn’t care, I was hers today.

I don’t know how I dint notice the fact that no one called to ask me where I was. The TV stations were out, I though maybe something was wrong with the cable, it did that sometimes. It was quiet all day. Then I answered the door, and that’s when everyting went wrong.

Some man pushed his way in, he said he needed help. He looked like he was attacked by dogs, or some animal. I was just staring at him, he was so bloody. I realized I had yet to grab the phone to call 911, so I did just that. It was busy. How the fuck, is 911 busy, I thought. Karen came downstairs, and she helped the man to sit down. Then he started to convulse, or something. We didn’t know what to do, neither of us really knew CPR, except what we had seen on those stupid hospital shows that she makes me watch. The convulsing turned to twitching, and that led to the stillness. I knew he was gone.

We kept dialing 911, nothing. Nothing, there was nothing. We went back upstairs, so I could lay down, and to keep calling 911. What was I suppose to do, there was a dead, stranger, in my house. I don’t know how we managed to, but we fell asleep.

I don’t know why I woke up, but I did. Animal instinct maybe? Well I woke up to find that stranger very much alive. He was in our bedroom door way, just staring at us. I shook Karen up.

“are you ok??! We thought you were, well, gone! Weve been calling 911, but its…busy”

He looked different. Paler, agitated, and he didn’t say a word. Then he screamed, more like, screatched. And he ran at us. I pushed Karen off the bed, and I jumped at him. I don’t know what his problem was but I wasn’t going to let him hurt her, I don’t care how bad hes hurt. I wrestled him to the ground, but he bit me and I let go. He got a good chunck out of me too! I grabbed my golf club and I swung. “Self defence right? That’s what ill tell the police” is what I thought when I swung. He was out. Karen was screaming her head off of course. When she noticed me bleeding from where he had bitten me she lost it. Silly Karen, always making big deals out of nothing, it was a bite. All i needed was a bandage.

I instantly felt dizzy though. I thought maybe it was the hydrenalen? So I sat down. She was getting some bandages. I plopped myself on our bed as she began to bandage me, and that’s where it gets fuzzy.

I remember it being hard to breathe, and then nothing. I woke up and Karen was in a corner, staring at me. She looked as though she was crying, and I wanted to go hold her, but my body didn’t move. Well, it did move, it just didn’t do what I was trying to do. My body was just standing there, I couldn’t make myself move, talk, I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing.

“please! Riley please..” she said to me.

Please what? It didn’t feel real.

My body, I, ran at her. Tried to grab her, hurt her and I couldn’t even stop it. It was like watching a train about to crash, you know its going to happen but theres nothing you can do about it. She ran into the restroom and locked the door. I began to hit the door, pounding it till my hands bled. I knew what would happen if I got through. I could feel it. I tried my hardest to to stop. Id give the world to have stopped myself.

I got through. She screamed, there was no where to run. She tried to fight me off, I wish she could have killed me. I threw her to a wall, she was on the floor. I was stronger, faster, I held her down. She looked at me, with her big blue eyes.

“I love you..”

I love you. I loved her more than my own life, I would do anything for this woman. She was worth everything to me, worth dying for, worth killing for.

I couldn’t control what happen next. I tried to with all my might to restrain my body, but nothing worked. I leaned in fast, and bit her cheek, took a piece clean off. Then, I went for the eyes, her beautiful eyes. My thumbs went strait into her sockets. She tried to fight off my arms, but I was too much. She died then. That moment felt like years. I was dying inside, screaming, butit was like space. No one could hear me, I was just a mere thought now.

Her screams stay with me till this day, all their screams do. I go over what happen, every hour of everyday. I know what I am, I thought it was only in movies this could happen, I was a Zombie. I thought in movies, you died and became a Zombie, turns out you live through it all. And theres nothing you can do about it.

So now I wait. I don’t know how long its been, but im waiting for the day that someone kills me. So I can be with my Karen again, I hope she knows I couldn’t control what I did. I hope they all know. Ive killed so many now, women, men, children. Each time I try to stop, but I cant. Now, I don’t even try to stop.

Im slowly going insane, im alone, if I could kill myself I would, but I cant even do that.

©HeyJude