Bedtime.

Fall into the sky
Disappear into the earth
Feel the wind pass you,
Can you feel it ?
It hurts.
A thousand pricks slice
A coldness comes on
The earth is soaked
And red now runs.
But I fall into the sky
I fall up into the stars
Gravity no longer exists
And I no longer resist
The earth is now my home
I fall back into my place
Back into my time
And back into my space.

Out of Time

The howling wind kept my small body shivering, the snow was piling on this small rooftop like a coating of cupcake icing and there was still no sign of him. It was five till nine and time was slowing down all around me. I looked around the empty lot and imagined him running through that door, ready and willing. But there was just the door and the sound of the city breathing. I love this place, you could see the whole of Chicago from here, covered in a thick layer of winter but beautiful none the less. All the shining lights kept me hypnotized, lost in my thoughts of what would happen now? Would he swoop down and save me, take me away like he unwittingly promises? Or will I be left to endure this frigid winter alone? Wounded. It was always push and pull with us. We were always an almost but never a yes, never a for sure, never a forever. I waited my whole life for him, and I feel like nothing but his back up plan, just his plan B. Nine on the dot. I guess plan A must have worked out. I stepped up onto the ledge, and I stared down at the city that was my entire life. My face was hot, the cold couldn't bother me now. Standing over the city felt calming, numbing even. He wasn't coming and I was done with this game that I've been losing. I wanted to keep this image of my beautiful city in my mind, a winter wonderland that never let me down. I took a deep breathe. I slowly turned my back to all the sounds of life and flickering lights. I closed my eyes and thought of all the times I felt like I was the only plan he ever wanted. Times that seemed like I was the only thing that could light up his world. The scent of his coat as he hugged me, that smile that said I love you and only you. Its now or never, this is it. It's the beginning, or the end. I let myself fall back into the cruel city, it was all slow motion but I could hear the wind rushing as gravity pulled me down. And there it was, that awaited sound that always drowned out the cries of the city. A loud call, but somehow soft as he said it, "..Hannah?"
It was him. He was late.

©HeyJude

Through It All

it's hard to come across this,
to miss something like this.
 To let it fly by your life without trying to even reach for it.
 But i have it,
 I've nabbed it,
and now its mine to keep,
 to flaunt,
to show off to the world what I've got.
 I'll treat it with care,
treat you with care and cherish everything your sharing with me.
 I could be the world and you my sky,
 i could live a thousand lives
and still love you all my life.

©HeyJude

Sky

A quiet and silenced sky lies over me, a cool breeze of rain to come rushes over me. Pulling my hair back, the wind leaves my face in an absolutely peaceful expression; In shock. As if I've opened my eyes for the very first time, all the colors swirl together. It's so beautiful and real, i'd swear it was fake. Just a dream. Look up at the sky, the way the clouds flow and dance above us, free to forever roam the world with their everlasting glory. Lay back and watch the world turn now, watch how the silk colors in the sky leave you behind in a blanket of diamonds. Stare, drink in the raw beauty of a silenced sky, embrace the world around you before it passes you by.

©HeyJude

Our Burning City

The cities burning
and blackening our skies
engulfing our lives
and no one sees
no one asks, why?
why oh why
do we not care if the world dies
do we not hear her pain
do we ignore her cries at night
turn our cheek to keep her problems out of sight?
Blind.
that's what we've become
smelling the smoke and then we run
we're done
we're killing her
and us at the same time.
we're careless
blind.

©HeyJude

The Kiss That Never Was

Slowly reaching midpoint, you grabbed my hand
you're warm.
your smell is comforting and voice inciting
your love is soft and tasteful, my ears are burning and my body's slowed down now.
Your holding me and i'm safe, I've never felt more comfortable then i am in your arms.
I could be here forever with you, just watching the world pass us by.
It's like were the only two existing now, i'd walk the world in search of you if i had to
i'd never give up.
your kiss is what lets my night become day, the kiss that never was has always been.

©HeyJude

Death Has His Ways

Death Has His Ways

By Ariel Perez

No one ever figured that I, the supposed soulless creature I am, could ever want, need, feel or even love. I live vicariously through my many victims, going through and reliving each of their past moments like the chapters in a book, some too short, some long. I watch invisibly and try to feel what they throw away so easily, I try to feel alive, to feel something other then the nothingness that resides where a heart should be. It was a beautiful kind of torture, one that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t resist. Their worlds were turning until I came in, I’d creep my way through the shadows that you carelessly over looked, I hid in the corners of your vision. I was the shadow you could have sworn was there a minute ago. And just when you turned a new corner in your life, whether you were ready or not, I’d rip you away from this world that you loved to hate.

And then come the inevitable questions.

“What dose it all mean? Why now? What did I do wrong? Why me.”

Why you? Because you’ve been gorging yourself on fast food since you could walk. You’re the one who broke into that bank and didn’t expect security to fight back. You are the hit and run drunk driver who ended up in a ditch.

That’s why.

I am the endless scourge of the earth, I am what people fear, loathe, hate and I am the end. It’s all just a matter of time for you, but time dose not exist for me. Only eternity exists, I have no end. I was before your earth and before your Gods that you tremble under so much. I am what everything eventually reaches in their existence. I am what lurks in the dark when you refuse to enter. I am the everlasting. And I am forever alone.

©HeyJude

Two Worlds Apart

Sometimes
i feel like i'm loosing my mind
the world feels like a fuzzy dream
it's something i cant reach
as if the world is some how going to fall away from me
i run
i sprint
i fly
i chase after that dream
heading for the sky, it floats away
i stare.
the world crumbles
it dismantles, and now there's no air
the sun disappears
all that i feel now is fear
i'm falling into forever
falling into the world
falling into my bed


©HeyJude

The Monsters Come Out At Night

The Monsters Come Out At Night

By Ariel Perez

            Every night he came home with an unchangeable anger in his heart and alcohol on his breathe. And every night I held my breath, pulled my cover up close and shut my eyes as tight as I possibly could. I hoped, and I prayed that tonight he wasn’t looking for someone to push around and blame for his troubles. He usually was.

            Jimmy wasn’t always like this, cruel, vindictive, and hurtful. He use to love me the way I still love him. Jimmy was the type of man who would bring me flowers for no reason, or would take me out to eat at a fancy restaurant on a whim. He was different now, something in him broke, and he changed into a monster. He changed into someone who blamed the world and the ones around him for his troubles. He was angry all of the time now, and no matter what I did to try to help, to try to make him happy, I was the target of his rage.

At first it wasn’t too bad. He would get mad at me for not cleaning the house to his expectations, or because the dinner I cooked for him wasn’t just right. He would always come out with, “it’s like you’re trying to piss me off Kate”. This was always followed by a shove or a slap. I didn’t think he really meant to hurt me at the time. I just thought he lost his temper sometimes.

I was wrong.

One night he came home around 3am, drunk and full of anger. He went into our kitchen looking for a hot dinner, but it had already gone past cold. I woke up to him dragging me out of our bed by my legs and down the stairs. I started screaming half way down, but he kicked me in my ribs and kept me quiet. He dragged me into the kitchen and told me to cook him dinner. I was scared of him, and I didn’t want to make him any madder so I started up the stove top. He got impatient and said that I was moving too slow, so he grabbed my hand and held it down on the red hot burner. I screamed, I cried, I begged and i cowered but he didn’t care. He went to bed and left me in agony on the floor with the stench of my burning skin in the air.

I should have left then, but my love for who he use to be, it was still there.

Hoping. Waiting.

I could hear him trudging up the stairs now, tonight felt like one of those nights. The kind of night where everything was my fault, and he had to let me know it.

He turned on the lights.

“Kate..Kate..” He shook me, trying to wake me up.

I looked up at him.

“Jimmy please, I’m tired, I want to sleep. Just come to bed and sleep with me”

-BAM- I could feel my cheek turning red from where he had just slapped me.

“DON’T, you ever tell me what to do, you bitch”

All I could do was stare up at him like the scared little mouse I was.

No. I can’t do this; I can’t stay here and let him pull me down into the black abyss where his rotting mind was already living. I have to leave now, it’s now or never. He was already creating a path of destruction and I was at the end of it. I was always the goal in his fits of rage, always the never ending target.

I made a run for our door but he grabbed me by my hair and yanked me down to the floor with him. I tried to fight back as best I could but he was thick, he was stronger then i was and he knew it.

He put me in a headlock and whispered, “Where do you think you’re going Kate? You’re mine, and ill never let you go”.

“Jimmy please!” it was all I managed to choke out before the started to tighten his brawny arm around my thin neck. I could feel my heart racing and my lungs aching to a breath of air. I started to scratch hard at his arm and he let go.

“You bitch! I give you everything and this is how you thank me?!”

I was gasping for air when he shot up and stood over me. He started to stomp and kick me as hard as he possibly could. I could feel my body bruising and my bones breaking under him.

“Help!! HELP! HE-“

He shoved his oversized boot on my neck, I couldn’t scream out a word and I couldn’t breathe. I stared up at him with my begging eyes, but he just stared back.

“Weak. Pathetic..” he said.

He got down on the floor, only to throw his big hands around my bruised neck. He sat down on my broken body and held his grip. Tighter, and tighter.

My tears felt warm on my face, and my body started to twitch.

“How could I ever be with someone like you Kate?”

“Ji-Jimmy, y-you’re breaking my h-heart..”

Then, everything went black.

©HeyJude

And So I Wait

And So I Wait

By Ariel Perez

I could look into her eyes for days, forever, and I know that every time she would break my restless, bleeding and ever trying heart. She would never know the truth that resides in my soul. She would never know my truth, the way I adored and craved every word that spilled from her thin pale lips. I would make her my world if she would just have me a part of hers, but to her we were bound by the fence of our friendship. I know that in my world, that god forsaken fence has been torn apart and done with, but in hers it existed for protection, as if she were waiting for a war to break out. She would be forever prepared. I was her lonely neighbor who peeked over that cold barrier every now and then to say “Hello, the world is not so bad, come out in the sun, give it a try”. Staring at her across our coffee table was always a bitter sweet challenge. She told me everything that ever came to her mind, she told me who she could not and would not trust but that I was one of the few. I’ve known this, I’ve always known this. With me she dose not struggle to rephrase what is spilling from her flooded mind, she’s not afraid to let me hear what’s going on inside her gated world, a world I envied to be a part of. We could talk for hours on end, when everyone else had gone to sleep in the world we were still up with cups in our hands and telling endless stories. She was an amazing creature. And though I loved her, loved our friendship it was a curse as well. Life was dangling water over the head of a dehydrated and delusional man. She was what I could never have, I was her safety zone, the one she confided things in and it killed a part of me. It tore at me and it raged inside my heart but this was what she needed, a good friend. I would always be there for her, until the end of time itself; I would be what she needs. She was a challenge that no man could win, when she spoke you could hear in her words that part of her was missing, broken, and she could not fix it. She wouldn’t let anyone near enough to even try. I wanted desperately to fix her world, but she would not let me near the broken part of her, I could tell the way her eyes went empty sometimes that it was too painful a subject. She was screaming silently in her mind but wanted no one to hear. This made my heart sink into the pits of my stomach, when I could not pull her away from drowning in the deep sea that was her mind. All I could do was change the subject, make her laugh and hope that it somehow brightened up her day, just for a few moments. I hoped that one day she would give me a chance to save her, to change her world for the better. Until then I would be here listening to her every word, it was always more sweet then bitter. My heart was scared and sore but it could take the lashings, and so I wait for a chance, a hope that some where in her world for one that there would be room for another.

©HeyJude

Rot

is it wrong
that i hope darkness swallows you?
wrong that when your gone
i feel strong.
you could disappear and the world would just move on
nothing would freeze
no one would be crying
or praying on their knees
we'd all takes a breathe
and feel the relief
of years of restlessness.
So go on, rot.
go on and get caught.
I could care less.

©HeyJude

Destination

Destination

i pace
back and forth.
i can walk for miles here
in the weather
its freezing,i can see my breath every few seconds
my cheeks are the coldest, redrying every few minutes
memorys in mind and conversations repeating
reliving places we went,
going over life,
this is the longest walk ive had
but ill walk till my feet bleed
ill walk till im out of breath
i love the cold.
i love the chill and numb feeling of it
so much, i could lay in the snow and not wake
i wouldent mind, its beautiful here
i can see it now
almost there
this is it.
this is the edge of the world.
This is the end.



©HeyJude

Soundless Words

Soundless Words, By Ariel Perez

whispered feelings 
and mummered words 
they fall from my lips sometimes seeming absurd 
is it bad i want to scream? 
is it a lack of selfesteem? Or is it something hiding in me? 
something dark that i cannot see? Tell me 
why my words are glass,floating in the air like butterflies 
waiting to crash,you cant catch you cant snatch,Crash. 
shattered shards lay on the floor im cornered i cant reach my door 
so can you sweep up the peices and keep up what this is? 
glue them together and tell me its better? 
dont worry 
dont fear 
calm down 
im here 
can i scream my feelings 
and yell my words? 
can i say what i want, without being absurd? 
this is absurd, 
here i am 
writing my quiet words 
click clicking of my words 
barely a sound they'll never be heard 

©HeyJude

**old, but thought I would post someting

Hospis

Hospis

hes dying
no turning back
hes on a one way road
theres no where to go
just forward
im like a camera
i watch, i hear
no movement
im full of fear
cause, theres nothing to be done
hes done
i see his ghost in his eyes
he knows, and he cries
years of age, wrinkled under his eyes,
the smell of war tainted his skin,
he always knew what would happen to him
hes still a kid at heart
no lies, this is a new start
but whats my part?
hang back, take a seat
watch this man, slowly be beat
death is on his lips
he can taste it
we smell it
theres no arguing it
you cant throw a fit
theres no one to hit
i cant believe that
this is it
hes forced to quit
here i stand
while hes thrown in the pit

- For Rogelio 'Rocha' Perez

©HeyJude

Will You Be Mine?

Will You Be Mine?
I’ve been seeing her for weeks now, every morning she rushed through the cold to get her medium coffee, and every night she fell asleep to her music, fearing the silence of the night without it. I first saw her at a music shop, I was getting my violin restrung and so was she, it was fate. It was the smell of her coffee that caught my attention, caramel swirled in the air around me. I turned to find her,a water fall of orange flowed down to her alabaster skin, she had big green eyes that reminded me of ponds and a distinct birth mark on her chin that id grow to love..
After watching her and getting to know her for the past four months, I decided that I needed to talk to her. Just being around her in the shadows of the day wasn’t enough anymore, I needed her with me always I burned for it, for her. I wanted to taste her sweet lips on mine, I wanted her to hold onto me and never let go. I wanted to wake up to her entrancing scent every morning instead of catching its stale and long gone presence.
I needed her.
I prepared a room just for her, if we were going to be a couple she would need he own space sometimes. I worked on the room relentlessly, it needed to be spectacular, it needed to wow her. I bought her favorite 700 thread count silk sheets for her bed, five pillows two with frilled edges for decoration, which she never slept on because they bothered her when she slept, and one knitted blanket for cold nights. It was exactly like the bed she had at her apartment, a deep green that matched her wondrous eyes and a dim gold trim, I know she will love it.
She was my life now, my Amanda; I had everything I knew she would love from her favorite shampoo down to her scented candles that she lit every night before bed. I had spent countless hours getting to know her, changing my world for her and now, well now we were in love.
Today was the day, I was ready and all set up. I had her favorite color on, a deep green sweater and I even had on a cologne I knew she liked on, I was ready. Amanda would see me today, she would see me the way I see her, it will be perfect.
I followed her into her regular coffee shop; I ordered the same thing she got every morning to spark a conversation.
“ So..uh, you like the caramel latte too huh?” She looked at me a bit startled but gave a slight smile.
“yes..” she coughed up, “but I like mine with soy milk you know? It tastes a bit sweeter to me that way”
I panicked for a moment, soy! I forgot to add soy milk to my latte like she dose religiously every morning. How could I be so stupid, I can’t screw this up.
My latte was finished first, I planned it out so that I would be the one to walk away first.
“well”, I looked at her with my deep gray eyes and half smile “guess ill see you around uh.. I didn’t catch your name”
She smiled.
“Amanda, my name is Amanda”
“well I’ll see you around Amanda..uh, my names Allen by the way”
I turned and began to walk away, I took a sip of my steaming latte and then turned back around with my cell phone in hand.
“Hey Amanda, can I uh, can I maybe get your number?”
She looked me up and down playfully; kindly she took the phone from me and typed in her number. I knew it, she loved me.
I don’t know what happened; we were having such a great time. We were having dinner at this Italian place I knew that she loved, she had gone there many times for her ritualistic girls night out. Now here she laid, a gash on her head, bleeding, her limp pale body begged me to scoop her up and hold her.
I took her back to my apartment that would soon be ours, I laid her on the bed I had for her in the room I prepared specially for her. I’d wait for her to wake, I closed the door and locked it.
Hours later I heard her banging on the door, screaming to let her out, why was she so mad? Everything I did, I did for her. I turned my life upside down to satisfy her needs to give her what she wanted and this is what she dose?
From inside my room I could hear her faint “Let meeee out! Please! Don’t hurt me Allen please!”
Hurt her? I didn’t want to hurt her! I loved her, I wanted to be with her forever. Ill go talk to her at midnight, she had to understand, she would. And she’ll find me romantic for it, at midnight it will be the fourteenth, February fourteenth Valentine ’s Day, the day of love.
I waited till Amanda tired herself out, and then I slipped inside into the light, no more shadows. She was sitting in a corner sobbing, her hands covered her face.
“why are you crying?”
She looked up at me with her full green eyes, squinting from the tears but staring as if I were a monster. Her eyes could be so cruel, just like I could be so cruel..
I grabbed her by her wrists and lifted her up, she was so light. She tried to fight back but she wasn’t strong enough. I had control of her dainty little wrists now, she wouldn’t stop moving, she was making me hurt her.
“why are you doing this! What did I do!?”, her words started to slur with her crying. “please! I know your not a monster, please just let me go Allen!”
I pinned her to the ground, both wrists in one hand and my other brought a kitchen knife up to her tender neck that I dreamt of every night. She let out a quick gasp, the cold steel of the knife gave her small body goose bumps, I could feel them on her wrists.
She was so beautiful, even with her wet cheeks and messy orange hair, she was so perfect. I looked up at the clock that was set on the bed stand, digital so she could listen to her music on the radio, she loved music.
12:00am
It was time, this was it. I looked down at terrified yet angelic face
“Amanda..” , I took a breathe, “Will you be mine?”
I pressed the knife to her neck.

3/28/2011 - This story was picked for First Place in the Fiction section of a writing contest for "The Midtown Journal"

©HeyJude

The World Ends With You

The world ends with you.

“LeAnne, I can’t do this anymore. I love you more then anything but you’re too over baring! Your controlling, I can’t even go out with my friends with out you having a fit. I dropped my social life, my friends, the things I love doing for you, and its still not enough! I just think..”

I stopped listening after that. I froze up with the first few sentences, they lasted forever. I had a knot in my stomach, my heart dropped and I couldn’t breathe. He was my everything; I tried so hard to be everything he ever wanted and now this? My eyes were swelling with tears, I could taste the streams of bitterness running down my skin.

He wasn’t the only one who sacrificed, I gave up my life so we could have our life. He was a part of me no matter what.

“LeAnne? Please say something. Why do you do this, you ALWAYS do this! This is it LeAnne.. Im gone.”

Everything was moving slowly, time was almost at a stop. What happened in seconds felt like decades. All I could do it stare at him, watch him walk out our door, our home, and leave me alone in this prison. My head was pounding, my brain felt like it was somehow suffocating and I just couldn’t hold back my tears. Everything was blurry when I stood up from that irritatingly itchy jungle green couch he picked, I hated that couch more then anything, but he loved it. When I stood up he was still walking to the door.

“Jason..” Nothing.

“Jason!” I yelled but he wouldn’t turn back to me, he was trying to walk out of my life forever.

“JASON! You can’t leave!” as I yelled that I grabbed the lamp we picked out together, and I smacked him on the head with it. He fell down with the biggest thud, and he didn’t move. He started to bleed and moan, I grabbed a scarf and I wrapped it around his head to stop the bleeding. I can’t let him leave me.

I dragged him to our bedroom. I pushed him up and set him on a chair from our dinning room. He hated these chairs but I didn’t think he would mind too much. I tied his arms and legs to the chair, when he woke I would tell him how much I love him, why he needs to stay, ill make him see ill make him understand.

His head was still bleeding when he woke up, but only a little. I was cleaning the mess in the living room when I heard him, I stood in front of him.

“Le..LeAnne? I can’t..everything blurry. I can’t move my arms, LeAnne??”

He started to look around at himself, realizing the chair and why he couldn’t move. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, the same tears I had before.

“Jason. I had to do this don’t you see? You were going to leave me here alone, I couldn’t let you leave. I know you love me Jason! And you don’t leave people you love.”

I put my hand on his face and just stared into his deep blue eyes, they were the thing I loved most about him.

“LeAnne! Are you crazy! I’m bleeding! I need a fucking doctor!.. LeAnne please. Let me go, ill just go to the doctor and ill come back ok? I promise. Ok LeAnne?”

His eyes always looked adorable when he wanted something; he was like a puppy begging for a treat.

“I’m sorry Jason, but I can’t. You can’t be trusted, you already tried to leave me and I won’t let it happen. Don’t worry baby, ill take care of you, you don’t need a doctor, you’ll see soon all you need is me and my love. I love you Jason, why can’t that be enough? We could be so happy.”

He began to cry.

LeAnne!! Ill die without a doctor! I can’t stay here! Please! Please LeAnne!”

“Jason I can’t. Don’t you see?”

I put a piece of gray packing tape over his mouth, and I kissed it. It left the most perfect imprint of my red lipstick; he loved this color on me.

I Smiled.

“The world ends with you..”


©HeyJude